


King Dedede Makes a Groupchat

by SinFrog



Category: Kirby (Video Games)
Genre: (maybe), Also Marx was there during Star Allies or at least he fought Zan idk if that is easily inferred here, Character development everywhere, Dark Meta Knight is the tallest of mountains, Daroach might secretly be a softie but you didn't hear it from me ok, Deep Lore, Gonna gun for some gay while I'm at it, Homestuck - Freeform, I don't wanna bait the ships I have planned so I'll wait until they're relevant to tag them, Jambastion Mages have issues, Kin jokes: By kin for kin about kin, King Dedede Is A Good Person, King Dedede and Magolor are weebs, Kirby is a pure creature, Light-Hearted with some chance of SERIOUS, Marx doesn't have ligma, Marx is trans, Marx jokes to cope, Meta Knight and Kirby appear sometimes to sort out drama, Oh Shit Sometimes It's A Regular Fanfic For Like 3 Seconds, STAR ALLIES SPOILERS I FORGOT TO MENTION, Susie craves a goth gf, Susie is a top, The roughest of waves, The toughest of terrors, Villain Reformation, Zan discovers alcohol, Zan lives to serve and also to potentially be a goth gf, and the darkest of days, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-05-15 07:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14785841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinFrog/pseuds/SinFrog
Summary: Dedede reflects on how he's come to have his reputation changed from a cruel and heartless villain to almost the level of Kirby's own heroism. He thinks back to those who came after him and wonders... Could they have it in them, too? Some of them did offer to help during that business with Hyness, so the King decides it's worth a shot!





	1. Susie is a top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dedede has an idea... Make a chat with all the 'villains' that he thinks have a chance at redemption! He recalls how he struggled after his first dealings with possession and tries to lend a hand to the people he thinks may need him and eachother.

_THE KING has added Marx, Magolor, Daroach, Susie and 5 others_

**THE KING** : alright

_THE KING has changed the group's name to 'Villains Anonymous'_

**THE KING** : all RIGHT.

 **THE KING** : LISTEN UP **@everyone**

 **Marx** : you have GOT to be kidding me

_Magolor has left the group chat!_

_THE KING has added Magolor to the group chat!_

**THE KING** : and where do you think YOU'RE going? come on guys at least hear me out.

 **Magolor:** Not to be dramatic but I would literally rather die.

 **Marx** : THIS one gets it

 **THE KING:** come on, seriously? look all i need is five minutes to make my pitch then you can all block me or whatever.

 **THE KING:** i'm surprised you haven't got me blocked already, if i'm honest.

 **Marx** :ugh fine

 **Magolor:** You'd better believe I'm counting.

_Daroach changed their nickname to 'The Rat That Makes The Rules'_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules:** I declare this chat hella gay

 **Susie** : This chat isn't good enough for that.

 **THE KING:** alright are you done? are you done laughing at the silly penguin now?

 **Susie** : Sure.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** :Mostly

 **Magolor:** Four and a half minutes.

 **THE KING** : fuck off.

 **THE KING** : anyway.

 **THE KING** : i have a proposition for you all.

 **THE KING** : we've all done some pretty deplorable things, right?

 **THE KING** : theft on various scales, galactic capitalism, some shit with clay? whatever marx was planning to do with infinite power, betraying a group of people's trust and making them do your dirty work for them, that kinda thing.

 **Magolor** : You can just @ me.

 **THE KING** : yeah you're right.

 **THE KING** :  **@Magolor** bitch.

 **THE KING** : ANYWAYS the POINT is that i would rather we all put that shit behind us.

 **THE KING** : i'm not saying we need to kiss and be best friends just kind of 

 **THE KING** : man i don't know

 **THE KING** : there's a level of understanding between us right? we all know what it's like to get our asses beat by kirby?

 **Marx** : you especially

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Can it jester he's actually talking sense

 **THE KING** : just figured i'd extend an olive branch you know

 **THE KING** : try and be nice.

 **THE KING** : whatever use it or don't i'm gonna go take a nap, you can all get to know eachother in the meantime.

 **THE KING** : daroach was nice to me he gets admin

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has been promoted to Admin!_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : YES 

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : PRAISE DEDEDADDY

 **THE KING** : you are on thin fucking ice.

_THE KING is now away!_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules:** Alright you meme loving fucks

 **Magolor** : Dear lord...

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : In this hella gay chat i decree that you all change your names

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Live life to the fullest like yours truly and if you don't do it i'll do it for you

 **Marx:** is that a threat

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It might be

 **Marx** : ugh

_Marx has changed their nickname to 'xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx'_

_Magolor has changed their nickname to 'enterprisingIntellect'_

_Susie has changed their nickname to 'Magolor is a Homestuck'_

_Taranza has changed their nickname to 'vriska'_

**Zan Partizanne** : Pardon my french but what the FUCK is this.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Change thy nickname or face the consequences 

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Who are you anyway

 **xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx** : bitch who shot lightning at me

 **Zan Partizanne** : Oh, great. Someone invited the gremlin.

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Zan Partizanne's nickname to 'Thunder Thot'_

**xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx** : see now this i can respect

 **Thunder Thot** : How do I change it!??

 **enterprisingIntellect** :  **@Magolor Is A Homestuck @vriska** None of you are free from sin.

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : Bold words coming from a Homestuck.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : As The Rat That Makes The Rules i declare none of you fuckers are allowed to talk about homestuck because i have no clue what that is

 **Francisca** : Bonjam.

 **Thunder Thot** : Fran! How do I change my nickname!?

_Francisca changed their nickname to 'I can't read'_

**I can't read** : Sorry dearest sister but you know it to be true.

 **Thunder Thot** : D:

_Flamberge changed their nickname to 'i also can't read'_

**Thunder Thot:** I hate this fucking family.

* * *

 

_4:34PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx** : do literally any of you care about this at all

 **xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx** : like for real

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I mean memes aside

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I actually wouldn't mind hanging out with you guys

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : But not if you're just gonna be as big of a drip as this guy

 **xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx** : hey fuck you

_The Rat That Makes The Rules changed xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx's nickname to 'edge'_

**edge** : I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck:** My my, Marx- didn't know you were so passionate about vore.

 **edge** : what the fuck is vore

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Susie please dear god no.

 **edge:** TELL ME

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : It's when you...

 **enterprisingIntellect:** _SUSIE._

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : Eat a really good meal!

 **edge** : oh huh

 **edge** : well then yeah who doesn't like vore

 **enterprisingIntellect:** I want to die.

 **vriska** : hh

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** When's Dededaddy waking up anyway it's been like multiple hours

 **enterprisingIntellect:** _Why are you all like this?_

* * *

 

_4:55PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**e** **dge:** hey wait

 **e** **dge:** **@I can't read @i also can't read @Thunder Thot**

 **e** **dge:** how are literally any of you alive

 **e** **dge:** and who the fuck is **@Claycia**

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : IS THAT AN UNCHANGED NAME I SEE

 **Claycia** : i thought i could hide...

 **vriska** : we can be cryptids together.

 **Claycia** : !!

 **e **dge:**** touching

 **e** **dge:** anyways back onto things that i care about

 **e** **dge:** i know you thots are lurking back there

 **Thunder Thot** : I bet you don't even know what that word MEANS!

 **e** **dge:** literally neither do you

 **I can't read:** He's got you there.

 **I can't read:** But asides from that, after Hyness so kindly reduced us to statues and threw us around like ragdolls leaving us only with our senses of pain...

 **I can't read:** Void Termina vored us.

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : Nice.

 **I can't read:** Kirby beat him up and we awoke in space...

 **I can't read:** And we are currently still out here.

 **I can't read:** Just kind of floating.

 **edge** : hah losers

 **edge** : serves you right

 **I also can't read** : LEAVE HER ALONE

 **I also can't read:** I'LL GRILL YOUR BONES LITTLE JESTER MAN

 **edge** : i mean i already kicked your ass once i don't see the problem in banishing your ass to the shadow realm

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : Drifting alone in space can't be fun.

 **Thunder Thot:** Excuse my language but yeah no shit.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I love how she can't curse without being polite about it

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : No, right? It's adorable. The only exception seems to be when complaining about her sisters.

 **Thunder Thot:** I WAS RAISED BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : I was going to ask if you wanted a lift, but I don't know...

 **edge** : woah someone actually using this chat for something with any semblance of worth unbelievable 

 **Claycia** : if you really don't like it in here... why don't you just?? leave??

 **edge** : shut up b rate hoe what did you even do

 **Claycia** : stole all of dreamland's colours and forced kirby to fight me in another dimension...

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Marx out here gettin bodied by a cryptid

 **vriska** : i'm so proud.

 **edge** : NOBODY HERE EXCEPT ALL OF YOU BUT ME ARE GETTING BODIED

 **edge** : I WILL BANISH YOU ALL TO THE FUCKING SHADOW REALM

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : **@Claycia**  You really got him look

 **Claycia** : >v<

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : As much as you're everyone's hero rn i'm gonna have to deal with that name

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Claycia's nickname to 'Fuckhands McMike'_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I asked bandanna dee for a picture and you have some very large hands might i say

 **Fuckhands McMike** : that was!! only when i was possessed!!!

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : No need to be self-conscious about your massive hands girl there's someone who's into that

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Probably susie

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : It's probably me.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : hhh...

* * *

 

_5:25PM_

_-Villain's Anonymous-_

**THE KING** : ALRIGHT

 **THE KING** : i see y'all are havin fun.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : The exhalted dededaddy returns

 **THE KING** : why do you feel the need to test me.

 **edge** : reap what you have fucking sown

 **THE KING** : the door is right there marx it's you who won't move those ridiculous clown ass shoes.

 **edge** : WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE BEING INSULTED ON A CONSISTENT BASIS

 **Thunder Thot** : Does he seriously not know?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Come on man you aren't stupid

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : No Daroach, you're just too kind.

 **edge** : i just don't get the fucking point

 **edge** : just WHAT is this going to achieve

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Have you ever heard of positive relationships

 **edge** : hah hah 

 **THE KING** : i can't tell if that's mocking daroach or being self-depreciating.

 **edge** : why not both

 **THE KING** : don't cover this up with memes you edgy brat let us talk to you here.

 **THE KING** : i did this so maybe we'd have some friends who understand what we've been through.

 **THE KING** : you know cause that shit FEELS NICE.

 **THE KING** : and maybe, just maybe, getting friends we have things in common with might help us deal with the issues that came from those specific things we have in common.

 **THE KING** : thinking we were in the right and reeling from a reality check, getting possessed, losing to kirby again and again and again, that kind of thing.

 **THE KING** : like, do you know how much i needed someone to talk to after i got possessed those first couple of times? i had constant nightmares for SO LONG.

 **THE KING** : so can we just try to get along? i don't mind some casual roasting but let's stay off eachother's throats alright?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Look at this man giving us inspirational speeches for fucking free what a god 

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Marx if you ever misbehave again i will kick your teeth in i'm tearing up rn

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Like yeah being possessed? Fucking sucks man

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And like admittedly i feel kinda bad about  **@Fuckhands McMike** 's name

 **Fuckhands McMike** : it's no problem...

 **vriska** : king dedede is a better parental figure than my real parents.

 **vriska** : if any of you disrespect my dad i will fight.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : DEDEDAD

 **vriska** : DEDEDAD

 **Fuckhands McMike** : dededad..!

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : Dededad!

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : **@enterprisingIntellect**  Join us.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : *sigh*

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Dededad.

 **edge** : you're all so dumb

 **edge** : but

 **edge** : thanks i guess

 **edge** : for dealing with me

 **edge** : i guess i could use a few less issues

 **vriska** : marx you can join us and be adopted by dededad!

 **edge** : i'll think about it

 **Magolor is a Homestuck** : Character development... 

 **THE KING** : i'm not too sure about being a father...

 **THE KING** : but if that's what it takes, then FINE! call me dad if it makes you feel better, got it?

 **THE KING** : just please do not call me daddy

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Damn called out

 **vriska** : i fucking love this family.

 

_5:40_

_-enterprisingIntellect-_

**edge** : hey

 **edge** : magolor right

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Yes.

 **edge** : kirby told me about you

 **edge** : what you did was pretty fucked up

 **edge** : but like kirby's all chill with me now

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Did you come here just to mock me away from everyone?

 **edge** : no assface listen

 **edge** : let me finish

 **edge** : we're both blue and we both hurt kirby emotionally

 **edge** : i was gonna ask if you wanted to like

 **edge** : be friends or something

 **edge** : cause like he forgave me so maybe i could like help you out

 **enterprisingIntellect** : That speech really did get to you, hm? 

 **edge** : look do you wanna be fucking buddies or what i have memes if that helps

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Very well, I tentatively accept on the promise of memes.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Friend.

 **edge** : are you really trying to be dramatic while saying that

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Yes.

 **edge** : respectable

 **edge** : wanna see my favourite meme

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Go on.

 **edge** :

**enterprisingIntellect** :  _Exquisite_.

* * *

 

_5:55PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**THE KING** : hey **@The Rat That Makes All The Rules**

 **THE KING** : do you and the squeak squad sing that one song

 **THE KING** : rats, we're rats, we're the rats

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : WE PREY AT NIGHT WE STALK AT NIGHT

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : W E ' R E   T H E   R A T S

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : The answer is a resounding YES

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : That's like basically the Squeak Squad anthem

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Y'all should come on over to a Squeak Squad party sometime

 **THE KING** : you guys have parties

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Only the hypest parties this side of pop star

 **THE KING** : isn't that bad for a criminal organization

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : We like to think of ourselves as vigilantes 

 **THE KING** : sure.

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : What about me, and all the others who live in space?

 **I can't read** : 'Live' is a strong word.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Hypest parties this side of the galaxy then you're invited too 

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : I'm honoured.

 **Thunder Thot** : Susie are you fucking here yet!?

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : Patience, Zan.

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : I only have so much fuel to burn, you know.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : What's going on with you two, then?

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : I'm picking up these three lovely ladies so they can stay on my ship for a bit. Just until we find a place to drop them down.

 **I also can't read** : can it be pop star? i wanna PARTY

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : If you're a good girl, it can be Pop Star.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Susie why does everything you say give off such lowkey to highkey lesbian dominatrix vibes

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Like DAMN

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** : Silence.

 **I also can't read** : i'll be a good girl!!!

 **Thunder Thot** : Flam! That sounds highly inappropriate! 

 **I also can't read** : I WANNA PARTY SO I'M GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL

 **Thunder Thot** : _PLE AS E_   _STO P_

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : When you're such a top people become bottoms just by talking to you

 **Magolor Is A Homestuck** :  _Silence._

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed I also can't read's nickname to Good Widdle Girl_

**Magolor Is A Homestuck** : _DAROACH._

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : NO WAIT

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Good Widdle Girl's nickname to Daddy's Little Monster_

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Magolor Is A Homestuck's nickname to Daddy_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : P e r f e c t

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : HELL YEAH I'M A MONSTER

 **Daddy** : I am going to tear you limb from limb.

 **Thunder Thot** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **I can't read** : You guy's can't see it but Zan is blushing in space.

 **I can't read** : It's pretty impressive.

 **I can't read** : I didn't even know we were being picked up, how long have you been privately messaging Susie dear sister?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Ohoho

 **Thunder Thot** : Hey! What are you implying!?

 **Thunder Thot** : Do you take me for some kind of... Harlot!?

 **I can't read** : Yes.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : yes

 **Daddy** : Yes.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Yes

 **vriska** : yes.

 **THE KING** : yes.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Yes.

 **edge** : yes

 **Fuckhands McMike** : yes...

 **Daddy** : Your name  _does_ include the word 'Thot'.

 **Thunder Thot** : WHAT DOES THAT WORD MEAN

_Several people are typing..._


	2. Horny on Main (Among other things)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3AM, the best time for a chapter to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder of everyone's usernames!
> 
> King Dedede - THE KING  
> Marx - edge  
> Magolor - enterprisingIntellect  
> Susie - Daddy  
> Daroach - The Rat That Makes The Rules  
> Claycia - Fuckhands McMike  
> Taranza - vriska  
> Francisca - I can't read  
> Flamberge - Daddy's Little Monster  
> Zan Partizanne - Thunder Thot

_03:30 AM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Do you ever just wake up and like

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Just fucking inhale a block of cheese the size of your head

 **vriska** : i

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Me neither i never went to sleep

 **vriska** : ah. mood.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I did eat that cheese though it was g o o d

 **Fuckhands McMike** : it's so late... are either of you ok..?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : My entire personality is bisexual disaster this is just my life

 **vriska** : i    n e v e r   s l e e p   .

 **Fuckhands McMike** : o-oh...

 **Fuckhands McMike** : but daroach!!!!

 **Fuckhands McMike** : we're... bisexual buddies...

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Radical

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You should try eating a block of cheese the size of your head too

 **Fuckhands McMike** : i think i'll pass...

 **vriska** : who needs cheese when you have ass to eat.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I mean usually i'm all for eating ass but cheese is like, really good

 **Fuckhands McMike** : eat... ass???

 **Fuckhands McMike** : why!??!??!?!?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Claycia sometimes you just gotta look deep inside yourself

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And think

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : 'I wanna eat some PHAT ASS'

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And you just do it with no regrets

 **Fuckhands McMike** : i'm so afraid

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Embrace the ass

 **vriska** : e m b r a c e .

 **Fuckhands McMike** : you guys are so weird!!!!

 **vriska** : you love us.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : i do... but sometimes... love is tested...

 **Daddy** : Hello everyone.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : !! hello susie!

 **Daddy** : Update for you all: I've secured the Mages.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : How much bondage have you got them in

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Are they being good girls susie

 **Daddy** : Wow, I just got two notifications, but there aren't any messages here! Weird.

 **Daddy** : They're all asleep right now, my ships was originally designed for groups of Haltmann employees to go on long business trips.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : aww... that's so sweet...

 **Daddy** : What, business trips?

 **Fuckhands McMike** : no that you went to go get them

 **Daddy** : Yes, I've learned lots about them already.

 **Daddy** : Through genetic sampling. I stole some hair.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : W H Y 

 **Daddy** : Science.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : HHH???

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Remind me to never have a sleepover with you

 **Daddy** : :(

 **vriska** : don't worry daroach i'll protect you

 **vriska** : i never sleep and i see  a l l .

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Being in close proximity to you while you're tired is equally as off-putting

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Thanks for the offer though pal

 **Daddy** : What should I do with all this hair now?

 **vriska** : eat it.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : YOU STILL HAVE IT?

 **Daddy** : As if I'd throw away perfectly good science.

 **Daddy** : Sure, I'll eat some.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Susie is actually kinda wild lmao

 **Daddy** : She tastes like lemons.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : why would you say it like that......

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : 3AM Susie is a powerful creature that is not to be trifled with

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : She's untethered from reality

 **Daddy** : Excuse YOU.

 **Daddy** : I am PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : She's using caps guys she's fucking lost it

 **vriska** : i am kin with 3am susie.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Taranza buddy i love you but what the fuck does that mean

 **Daddy** : No doubles, SLUT.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Neither of you are allowed to talk about whatever you are talking about

 **THE KING** : **@here** go to FUCKING SLEEP

 **Fuckhands McMike** : yes dad.

 **Daddy** : Affirmed, father.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Whatever, pops

_Fuckhands McMike has gone offline!_

_Daddy has gone offline!_

_The Rat That Makes The Rules has gone offline!_

**vriska** : do i have to go to bed too?

 **THE KING** : taranza you are a sweet baby angel boy who has done nothing wrong you can do whatever you want

 **vriska** : i'm

 **vriska** : i'm valid?

 **THE KING** : sure thing kid.

 **vriska** : i'm valid...

* * *

  _4:54AM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

  **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Rats

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : _We're rats_

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** :  _WE'RE THE RATS_

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** :awifnijgnijngrdhiGhldh;IH;iuHIUFDHS;HKJFH;ih;ijhni:J;RJ

* * *

 

_08:23AM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**THE KING** : what the fuck happened to daroach

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I think he's fucking dead.

 **THE KING** : does anyone know where he lives?

 **Daddy** : I do.

 **THE KING** : of course you do.

 **THE KING** : why are you such a creep?

 **Daddy** : Know thy enemy, as they say.

 **Daddy** : President Haltmann actually believed that the Squeak Squad would be a point of resistance during his little 'operation', so I have some old data I gathered.

 **THE KING** : did

 **THE KING** : did you have any data on me and my boys?

 **Daddy** : No.

 **THE KING** : man fuck that. i'm offended.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I think I'd prefer not being spied on, frankly.

 **I can't read** : Bonjam.

 **Daddy** : Morning. Take a left out of your room and keep walking, you'll find the bridge where I am.

 **I can't read** : I just left and it seems Flamberge has already started making her way over.

 **I can't read** : She gets awfully clingy when she's tired as a note.

 **Daddy** : Good to know..?

 **Daddy** : Anyway, rat man.

 **Daddy** : I have a teleporter on here, so I can go and check on him if you'd like.

 **THE KING** : please.

 **I can't read** : Aw he cares.

 **THE KING** : i do, actually.

 **Daddy** : Alright, I'll see you all in a mioegndiugndikjl

 **enterprisingIntellect** : _And another one bites the dust~!_

 **I can't read** : No I just walked in and Flamberge is clinging to her so she fell over.

 **THE KING** : how does that even work none of you guys have legs?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : The idea of Susie living alone in space with three women sounds far too gay for it's own good.

 **I can't read** : I'm going to pretend I know what that word means and just kind of

 **I can't read** : Step into this teleporter. Susie seems a bit tied up.

 **Daddy** : she's surptudubfkr dtrpmh

 **THE KING** : just go already!

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Wait, does she not know what 'gay' means? I get that we're all from different planets, but considering we all speak the same language and all...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : How does that work anyway? Do you think Susie wears a translator? It'd make sense, considering all that headgear.

 **THE KING** : how do you know what susie looks like?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Marx showed me a picture of Kirby's 'friend wall'.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : It's just a piece of wall in his house covered in what must be hundreds of pictures of people Kirby considers his friends.

 **THE KING** : how the fuck is that not bigger than his house?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Lord knows. But at least I know what most of you look like now.

 **THE KING** : lemme guess you're not on there and you're itchin for a spot.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Pardon!?

 **THE KING** : you heard me.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I couldn't care less about a picture on a wall, thank you very much!

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Really, I don't know how you came to such a conclusion.

 **Daddy** : Seems as if you care quite a bit, Magolor.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Seems you've finally wrestled the mighty cuddle-monster away.

 **Daddy** : Seems I've got a pistol with your name on it should you not be silent.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I may not know my firearms...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : But I know a  _bitch_ when I see one.

 **edge** : i literally just got here

 **edge** : oh you meant susie my bad

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Good morning, Marx.

 **edge** : **@THE KING** yes he wants a spot on the friend wall i've been talking to kirby about it

 **enterprisingIntellect** : GOOD MORNING TO EVERYONE EXCEPT MARX.

 **THE KING** : called it.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : MARX YOU ARE A  _TRAITOR_

 **edge** : this has been a known fact about me and also you

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Fuck off.

 **I can't read** : Please send help.

 **I can't read** : I found the Squeak Squad base but I was branded as a trespasser.

 **I can't read** : I keep telling them I know Daroach but the tiny one in the ufo keeps bumping his shitty little flying machine into my head.

 **I can't read** : I'm tied to a chair.

 **I can't read** : I blame **@Daddy** for all of this. 

 **enterprisingIntellect** :I also blame her for this.

 **edge** : why

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Because she's a bitch.

 **edge** : not what you told me

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Touch that fucking keyboard again and see what happens, circus child.

 **THE KING** : wait a fucking 

 **THE KING** : marx how do you type with no arms?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : ...That is a very good question.

 **THE KING** : MARX.

 **Daddy** : Go on Marx, tell us for science.

 **edge** : 

 **THE KING** : wh

 **edge** : 

 **enterprisingIntellect** : How is he doing that?

 **I can't read** : Are any of you guys coming to help me?

 **edge** : 

 **Daddy** : Sorry, got distracted by Marx's freaky void messages.

 **Daddy** : Though I can't say I have any ideas on what to do aside from set my ray gun to 'mouse-trap'.

 **I can't read** : Wait someone's coming.

 **I can't read** : Holy shit he's alive.

 **THE KING** : who? daroach?

 **I can't read** : Yes he's talking to his boys right now.

 **I can't read** : Now he's carrying me away.

 **I can't read** : My hero.

 **Daddy** : D'aw.

 **edge** : gross

 **I can't read** : He said he's grateful for the concern but he literally just fell asleep on his keyboard and breaking into his home wasn't really needed.

 **Daddy** : You did what.

 **I can't read** : The door was locked!

 **I can't read** : All things considered though he's being pretty nice about it.

 **I can't read** :SJBFHJH jh gJ<Dg dn dnm n

 **THE KING** : what is it with the keysmashes today?

 **I can't read** : Nevermind he threw me out of a window.

 **Daddy** : D'aw.

 **edge** : nice

* * *

 

_10:28AM_

_-Daddy-_

**Thunder Thot** : Bonjam.

 **Daddy** : Bonjam.

 **Daddy** : Need anything?

 **Thunder Thot** : Where is... Anything? 

 **Daddy** : Left out of your door is the bridge, that's where myself and Flamberge are.

 **Thunder Thot** : Where is Francisca? 

 **Daddy** : If you'll notice, the ship is moving. We're going to get her right now.

 **Thunder Thot** : What!? What happened?

 **Daddy** : She offered to run an errand and got thrown out of a window. No big deal. 

 **Thunder Thot** : THAT IS A VERY BIG DEAL

 **Daddy** : She'll be fine, but in the meantime...

 **Daddy** : Don't touch anything and just get over here, Flamberge is bothering me and I require assistance. 

 **Thunder Thot** : Very well, by the way...

 **Thunder Thot** : Why did you say 'Bonjam'? You aren't from our planet, are you? 

 **Daddy** : It's a rather pretty greeting. I quite like it. Besides, I figured it'd make you feel more at home.

 **Thunder Thot** : That's... Actually rather sweet of you.

 **Daddy** : I try.

 **Thunder Thot** : Thank you, I appreciate it.

* * *

_08:44AM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And then i get to the stairs 

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : ALL ICE

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : ALL OF IT IS ICE

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And at that point i thought ok maybe someone unpleasant has been through here

 **edge** : only at that point

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I mean it wouldn't have been the first time the boys had frozen my bathtub

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** But then i hear a commotion and i go to the big main room and see this goth ass bitch tied to a chair on her phone

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm like ok she clearly doesn't have arms why did you bother tying her up she's just on her phone casually she should easily be able to escape

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** Seriously **@I can't read** how did you not think of that

 **I can't read** : Hindsight is 20/20 can we stop roasting me now?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Why

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You gonna melt

 **I can't read** : Ugh.

 **edge** : 3/10

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I have a fucking doorbell

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANY OF WHAT YOU DID

 **I can't read** : Why were you even up so late?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Just scroll up a bunch in the chat

 **THE KING** : oh boy.

 **I can't read** : I'm reading down from 3AM.

 **I can't read** : Eating ass?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Only the finest of gourmet

 **I can't read** : You were up at 3AM eating cheese and talking to Taranza about eating ass

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Yes

 **I can't read** : What does 'bisexual' mean?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : For real

 **I can't read** : Yes.

 **I can't read** : I don't know what it means.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** Well it's like

 **I can't read** : NEVERMIND I DON'T CARE

 **I can't read** : SUSIE TOOK SAMPLES OF US????

 **Daddy** : Ah.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** Shit

 **I can't read** : YOU CONNIVING BITCH

 **I can't read** : I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Record it for me.

 **edge** : jesus

 **Daddy** : Excuse me, finding my gun.

_Daddy is now away!_

_I can't read is now away!_

**edge** : in other news uh

 **edge** : kirby says hi

 **THE KING** : you two hanging out?

 **edge** : yeah

 **edge** : we're chilling at adeleine's place she's like

 **edge** : on some fucking bob ross shit for real

 **edge** : hanging out with kirby is basically my therapy sessions

 **THE KING** : and to think just yesterday you were threatening to eat daroach's children

 **edge** : i mean he's gotten way good at calming me down but only really now am i noticing it

 **edge** : like i just feel a lot better around him

 **THE KING** : don't we all.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : *coughs*

 **THE KING** : yeah yeah you'll get there eventually.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Hmph.

 **THE KING** : did you actually just type hmph.

 **THE KING** : like a fucking

 **THE KING** : aloof anime boy noise. you just typed an aloof anime boy noise.

 **edge** : magolor IS an aloof anime boy

 **THE KING** : go on give us a tch sasuke.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're calling me an anime boy or the fact that King Dedede, ruler of Dream Land, watches Naruto.

 **edge** : king weebede

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Hittem with that clobbah-no-jutsu

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Now you're imagining him screaming 'NARUTOOOOOO' at the top of his voice in that accent.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Good god it's glorious

 **THE KING** : i give you this group chat and you shame me for my taste in anime.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It's not shame it's praise

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You're the strongest of them all hokage dedede

 **THE KING** : ENOUGH

* * *

 

_10:15AM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**Daddy's Little Monster** : hey guys!!!

 **THE KING** : oh hey.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : zan and fran had a duel!!

 **THE KING** : i thought she wanted to fight susie?

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : zan wouldn't let her! i tried to stop them but they told me that nobody would get hurt seriously so i let them do it.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : fran got a little cut so i'm taking care of her!!!!

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : that's why she lost it was the first one to get a cut loses

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Dude **@Fuckhands McMike**  wake up your otp is real

 **Fuckhands McMike** : daroach!! shh!

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Otp prompt who duels their sister for who

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : what are you guys talking about!??

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : When a kinky space lesbian and an electric thot love eachother very much

 **Fuckhands McMike** : daroach omg...

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : i don't get it!???

 **enterprisingIntellect** : You know...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I'm starting to think that the Mages' race don't have a concept of sexuality.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : what is that like

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : a plant or something!?!?!?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : See? And Francisca asked what 'gay' and 'bisexual' meant.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Flamberge, what does your face feel regarding romantic and sexual relations?

 **THE KING** : magalor you can't just ask someone that.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Why not? Everyone in this damned chat is queer in some way or another, she may as well learn now.

 **THE KING** : wait, seriously? everyone?

 **THE KING** : i'm gay but like 

 **THE KING** : everyone?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Claycia and i are established bisexual buddies

 **vriska** : i'm pan.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I am homosexual.

 **edge** : i'm uh

 **edge** : um

 **edge** : magolor you say it

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Marx is both homosexual and transgender.

 **edge** : thanks could've been more brief but you said the words 7.6/10

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : i am so fucking lost

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : WHAT DO ALL OF THESE WORDS MEAN?!?!??!?!

 **enterprisingIntellect** : No need to panic, Flamberge. It's just a label that says something about you.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : For me, gay means that I am a boy that is romantically and sexually attracted to other boys.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : but how are you gonna make strong babies with another boy!??!?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : ...So that's how it is, then? I think I understand...

 **vriska** : hearing magolor talk about sexual attraction is putting images in my mind. 

 **vriska** : why.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Hush Taranza, I'm educating.

 **edge** : here we go fellas

 **enterprisingIntellect** : You don't need to worry about what exactly all the words mean. All you need to know is enough to respect others.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Understand?

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : but

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : don't you

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : no i don't!!!!!

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : don't people who refuse to make strong children get exiled for insubordination?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : ...Good _lord._

 **edge** : jesus fucking christ

 **Fuckhands McMike** : flamberge...

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Holy shit yikes

 **THE KING** : ...

 **THE KING** : as a person in like, an actual position of power i feel like it's my job to say that

 **THE KING** : if you ever come anywhere near dream land and someone tells you something like that

 **THE KING** : you come and tell me.

 **THE KING** : because that person is next in line for a CLOBBERIN

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** HE SAID IT

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : OUT HERE WE LOVE A QUEER BITCH

 **Fuckhands McMike** : seventopia too! elline and i will always protect you...

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : i

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : i thought all that stuff was normal

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : this feels weird???? like, you're all jumping to protect me but 

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : i'm still kind of reeling 

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : i'm... not that smart. i'll admit that!!! but!! i've decided to start over without hyness so i need to be ready to live the way you guys do!!! even if it's hard for someone stupid like me, i'll try my VERY BEST!!!!!

 **vriska** : i'm late but flamberge is so valid.

 **vriska** : she must be adopted by dededad at once.

 **THE KING** : i'm so glad i'm not sending you all to college

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : HELL YEAH!!!!!!  POSITIVE FATHER FIGURES!!!!!!

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **THE KING** : i love you too enthusiastic daughter.

* * *

_12:49AM_

_-I can't read-_

**Daddy** : You've been in there a while. How are you doing?

 **I can't read** : Go away.

 **Daddy** : Are you still mad about the hair thing?

 **I can't read** : You invaded our privacy.

 **I can't read** : And you won't even apologize.

 **Daddy** : Well if you wanted one of those, you should've just asked.

 **Daddy** : I'm sorry.

 **Daddy** : Is that good enough?

 **I can't read** : No. You're a liar.

 **Daddy** : A fair assumption.

 **I can't read** : It's a statement of fact.

 **Daddy** : I'd rather you think otherwise, if we're going to be stuck together for the foreseeable future.

 **Daddy** : Can you please tell me what you want, so I can remedy this little issue between us?

 **I can't read** : Well for a start you can cease any plans to further violate our privacy.

 **Daddy** : Fair.

 **I can't read** : And you're going to tell me:

 **I can't read** : Why is my sister so endeared to you?

 **Daddy** : I wouldn't know- I'm not her.

 **Daddy** : I'm surprised myself at what she did. Perhaps she felt she owed me for letting her stay here?

 **I can't read** : One more.

 **I can't read** : I've been reading the chat are you also 'queer'?

 **Daddy** : That's a question I've asked myself a lot growing up.

 **Daddy** : Though in recent times it's not so much a struggle for me, I'm fine being a lesbian.

 **I can't read** : And what does that mean?

 **Daddy** : It's like gay, but for girls. I'm attracted to girls.

 **I can't read** : I see. Thank you for answering my questions.

 **Daddy** : You're welcome. Come have dinner with us, won't you?

 **I can't read** : Very well.

* * *

 

_01:26PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**Fuckhands McMike** : guys elline got me flowers i'm gonna cry...

 **vriska** : goals.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : i love my girlfriend...

 **Daddy** : God I wish that were me.

 **vriska** : it's inspiring to know that two beings of power enough to create dimensions are a couple of girls in love.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : >v<

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : True love is real

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : But **@Daddy** you good

 **Daddy** : It's just the daily mood.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I see

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : My daily mood is what bad life choice am i gonna make today that i will totally love making

 **Daddy** : That's a big mood.

**edge:**

****

**Daddy:** Marx you walk a dangerous path.

 **Daddy** : But you have my tentative respect for having such large balls.

 **edge:** as someone who moves around on one and who's friends with magolor i think i know a think or two about large balls

 **Daddy:** You've seen his balls?

**edge: NO**

**edge:** he IS a large ball

 **enterprisingIntellect:** *sigh*

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Hey, Marx?

 **enterprisingIntellect:** You never answered my question.

**enterprisingIntellect: How do you type with no arms, Marx?**

**edge:** and that is my cue to leave

**enterprisingIntellect: I will figure you out some day, void creature.**

**THE KING** : speaking of void creatures, meta knight gave me a certain someone's handle because he thinks they belong here

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Oh?

 **THE KING** : i'm not so sure though.

 **THE KING** : it's

_THE KING is typing..._

 


	3. Of Angst, Recovery and a Potentially Really Bad Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meta Knight appears, asking Dedede to take someone that's been bothering him into his Group Chat. Who could it be? If there's any other characters you would all like to see, please let me know!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> King Dedede - THE KING  
> Marx - edge  
> Magolor - enterprisingIntellect  
> Susie - Daddy  
> Daroach - The Rat That Makes The Rules  
> Claycia - Fuckhands McMike  
> Taranza - vriska  
> Francisca - I can't read  
> Flamberge - Daddy's Little Monster  
> Zan Partizanne - Thunder Thot

_12:34AM_

_-Meta Knight-_

**Meta Knight** : Please? I'm not one to beg, but they just... Well, I think they might have a shred of sanity because of this recent development. I'd love to be their friend, but if I'm honest? I don't believe I'm the one for the job.

 **THE KING** : i just don't know, mets.

 **THE KING** : besides, you're a great friend!

 **THE KING** : i don't see why you can't explore this little rabbit hole yourself, since you went as far as to decipher the handle.

 **Meta Knight** : Because all they want to do is fight me! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that kind of relationship, but it's not what they need.

 **Meta Knight** : This is the first time we're able to properly communicate, and I've never been much of a friend-maker, Kirby usually does that kind of thing for us.

 **THE KING** : you got me there.

 **THE KING** : why don't YOU join the chat?

 **Meta Knight** : No, I'd rather you try this first.

 **Meta Knight** : Maybe later, though. I wouldn't mind talking to Susie.

 **THE KING** : i can give you her @

 **Meta Knight** : Sure, it'll be like a trade.

_THE KING sent a contact!_

_Meta Knight sent a contact!_

**Meta Knight** : ...Why is her nickname 'Daddy'?

 **Meta Knight** : Just what do you DO in that chat?

 **THE KING** : don't you worry about that.

 **THE KING** : i'll think about the offer, alright?

 **Meta Knight** : Much appreciated, thank you friend.

* * *

_01:29PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**THE KING** : speaking of void creatures, meta knight gave me a certain someone's handle because he thinks they belong here

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Oh?

 **THE KING** : i'm not so sure though.

 **THE KING** : it's

 **THE KING** : well

 **THE KING** : man i'm just not sure, from what i know they don't speak the same language as us and they've never communicated at all period before.

 **THE KING** : i think i need a bit more time to think about it. they haven't really shown any kind of remorse for what they've done or like, emotion at all.

 **THE KING** : i have their handle now so i can do it whenever. by the way **@Daddy** i gave meta knight your handle since he said he wanted to talk to you or something.

 **Daddy** : I'm sure that'll be fun.

 **enterprisingIntellect:** Can you at least give us a name, Dedede? I'm dying of suspense over here.

 **THE KING** :nah i'll wait it's no big deal.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : **Don't do this to me.**

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Hey guys guess what here comes a subject change

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm hanging out with bandanna dee and he said he's gonna throw a party soon

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : So obviously being the generous and party-loving ratscallion i am

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Awful.

 **edge** : 3.9/10

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I was like 'shit let's make this a Squeak Squad Shindig™'

 **edge** : oh my god

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It's in like a week and a half and i'm inviting **@everyone**

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Look at that shit all nice and grammatically embedded in that sentence

 **edge** : do you need

 **edge** : entertainment

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Marx if you come up on stage and roll around on that little ball i think i might just lose my fucking mind

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : YES IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION

 **edge** : NICE

 **edge** : can i bring kirby

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Kirby is invited to every party ever thrown by default

 **edge** : ok yeah you're right

 **edge** : i was gonna bring him even if you said no you pass the test

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Such sweet anarchy brings a tear to my eye

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Never change you devious little trouble boy

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I'm not really one for parties, and besides; I'd have to fly the Lor Starcutter all the way over from Halcandra... I think I'll pass.

 **edge** : if you come i'll dump a bucket of spaghetti on susie's head

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Hm, looking again, it appears the course to Pop Star is still saved into the Starcutter's computer! Perhaps I'll come along after all.

 **edge** : i'd say hateboner but you're gay and she's probably lesbian

 **edge** : platonic hateboner there we go

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm not over the fact your spaceship is called the fucking lor starcutter

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Like we knew you were a weeb but fucking hell

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : 'Mine is the hateboner that will pierce the heavens!'

 **THE KING** : BUH

 **Daddy** : Cute, but I don't think there's a universe out there in which Magolor's boner could pierce anything, let alone the heavens.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : This is why I hate you.

 **Daddy** : Hate you too. <3<

 **enterprisingIntellect** : And you called  _me_ a Homestuck.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : What did i say about fucking homestuck

 **Daddy** : Hey, Daroach, you said Claycia partakes in shipping, correct?

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Yeah

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Don't.

 **Daddy** : Perhaps she could expand her shipping grid if Maglolor 'educated' her about Quadrants.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I'd request you come to the party so we could settle this like adults, but I doubt your little girlfriend Zan would let me lay a finger on you.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Shame, I suppose I'll just have to kill her too. What a waste.

 **THE KING** : alright now let's settle down.

 **edge** : jesus mags calm yourself

 **Daddy** : Suppose that's my fault for poking at a being who lives among'st volcanoes. One wrong move, and that little hateboner might erupt, hm?

 **THE KING** : susie stop it.

 **Daddy:** Very well.

_enterprisingIntellect is now away!_

**edge** : aw shit

 **edge** : i'll uh

 **edge** : i'll keep an eye on him he likes me somewhat

 **THE KING** : what did i say about being at eachother's throats?

 **THE KING** : i get that you were just joking around but

 **THE KING** : magolor isn't the kinda person who can take that apparently.

 **Daddy** : Tragic.

 **THE KING** : admittedly he was being a complete ass and i expect him to own up for that but

 **THE KING** : when he comes back i want you to both to apologize to eachother.

 **THE KING** : i don't want drama.

 **Daddy** : Yes, father.

 **Daddy** : Just @ me when he's back, I have things to attend to.

_Daddy is now away!_

**THE KING** : ughhhh usually i don't mind being called dad but that one felt BAD.

 **vriska** : do you want me to come over.

 **THE KING** : yes please.

 **vriska** : ok. i'm on my way.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : i'm sorry everyone got sad...

 **THE KING** : it's ok claycia.

 **THE KING** : hopefully it'll only be for a little bit.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Just kinda imagine me pulling the brim my hat over my eyes lookin not happy that's what i'm doing right now

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Feel better soon pops

 **THE KING** : thanks daroach.

* * *

_02:37PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**Daddy** : Hello everyone.

 **vriska** : magolor still isn't back yet susie.

 **Daddy** : Not Susie.

 **vriska** : what.

 **Daddy** : While she's somewhat repayed her debt owed from the hair incident I still feel like we aren't even.

 **Daddy** : So here I am invading her privacy a bit.

 **vriska** : wait so who are you.

 **edge** : i'd recognize that obnoxious lack of commas anywhere

 **vriska** : marx you don't use any punctuation at all.

 **edge** : shut up point is it's francisca 

 **Daddy** : Correct.

 **Daddy** : She doesn't usually leave her computer unguarded but about an hour ago she suddenly left and locked herself in her room.

 **Daddy** : So here I am.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : wait, something happened to susie? i haven't been checking in here, oh no!!!!!!!

 **Daddy** : Something with Magolor.

 **Thunder Thot** : Jamblasted, I'll go check on her.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : me too!!!!!!!!

_Thunder Thot is now away._

_Daddy's Little Monster is now away._

**edge** : you'd think they'd care more about you going through her computer huh 

 **Daddy** : I'm looking in her games library...

 **Daddy** : 300 hours clocked into... 'Huniepop'?

 **edge** : isn't that an anime titty game

 **Daddy** : Let's see.

 **Daddy** : From looking at the title screen I believe this is a game about breasts indeed.

 **Daddy** : Closing that.

 **edge** : so **@vriska** how's the hang out with dedede

 **vriska** : we're streaming youtube poops onto his big tv.

 **edge** : that is the single greatest idea i've ever heard 

 **Daddy** : She has a SoundCloud.

 **Daddy** : Seems she makes a lot of playlists.

 **edge** : does she rap

 **Daddy** : I'll check for that later.

 **Daddy** : Her playlists are just titled with single symbols what the fuck does that mean.

 **Daddy** : I'm going to click on '⚡'.

 **edge** : taking bets i'm betting nsfw electrocution kink asmr

 **vriska** : sometimes i wish i didn't have eyes.

 **Daddy** : Wow this is

 **Daddy** : I don't know what this is.

 **Daddy** : <https://soundcloud.com/moeshop/magic>

**Daddy** : What language are they speaking?

 **edge** : weeaboo with sprinkles of our communal language

 **Daddy** : I don't speak weeaboo. 

 **Daddy** : I'm going to look up the lyrics.

 **Daddy** : Holy shit this is

 **Daddy** :  _Really_ sappy. It's a cute love song?

 **Daddy** : I would have never thought she listened to things like this...

 **edge** : today we have learned that susie is in fact a soft weeb

 **edge** : the world rejoices for this crucial information

 **Daddy** : I'll leave the rest of her playlists alone I want to look at more things.

 **Daddy** : Pictures.

 **edge** : oh boy can't wait to find her pastel pink hentai doujins 

 **Daddy** : There's an unnamed picture right at the bottom in a folder of named pictures. Suspicious. 

 **Daddy** : It's...

 **Daddy** : Really low resolution.

 **Daddy** : Looks like Susie standing next to a man with facial hair. Who is that?

 **edge** : man with facial hair gee i wonder if only there were literally any other way to narrow it down other than 'man with facial hair'

 **edge** : could it be that susie has a super secret picture of herself and her long lost brother mario mario it's as likely as any other fucking possibility

 **Daddy** : Purple facial hair.

 **edge** : better

 **edge** : but still i don't have much of an idea

 **edge** : hang on

 **Daddy** : What are you doing?

 **edge** : asking kirby if he knows a guy with purple facial hair

 **Daddy** : Well?

 **edge** : that

 **edge** : uh

 **edge** : ...

 **edge** : that would be susie's very dead father

 **Daddy** : ...This may be my cue to cease snooping.

* * *

  _01:45PM_

_-enterprisingIntellect-_

**edge** : magolor

 **edge** : magolor come on i know you're there

 **edge** : please come back

 **edge** : i know she was messing with you and all but come on your smart enough to not take the bait

 **edge** : that threat sounded way too serious to be a joke 

 **edge** : if you actually get into a fight at that party you'll be way outnumbered and i

 **edge** : i don't know if i'll be able to back you up

 **edge** : so just

 **edge** : just fucking 

 **edge** : UGH

 **edge** : JUST CUT YOUR FUCKING SHIT OUT OR I'LL COME ALL THE WAY OVER TO HALCANDRA AND BEAT YOUR ASS MYSELF

 **edge** : JUST

 **edge** : please

 **edge** : i don't know what i'm doing

 **edge** : just please come back

* * *

 

  _01:43PM_

_-Daddy-_

**Thunder Thot** : Susie! What happened, what's wrong?

 **Thunder Thot** : Do you have your phone in there? Susie, please answer me!

 **Thunder Thot** : Just... Let me know that you're alright in there? Like a knock on the door, or something..?

 **Thunder Thot** : Flamberge and I are worried, we'll be waiting...

 **Thunder Thot** : Please take care of yourself, alright? 

 **Thunder Thot** : I owe you so much... And I've hardly repayed you! If anything like this happens again, you can trust me, ok? 

 **Thunder Thot** : Devoting myself to others is all I'm good at... Please let me be there for you...

* * *

 

...

_You have 7 unread messages._

...

 _Ding!_  

..?

_You have 8 unread messages._

_This is the start of your message history with Meta Knight._

**Meta Knight** : Child... A not-so-little bird has informed me that you are in a moment of strife.

 **Meta Knight** : What ails you?

 **Daddy** : ggo awqay

 **Meta Knight** : Listen, I understand that the last we met, it was on rather unpleasant terms.

 **Meta Knight** : But would you humour me, for but a moment?

 **Daddy** : wgateve r

 **Meta Knight** : From what I understand, you've had an argument with someone.

 **Meta Knight** : I'm going to tell you a secret, ok?

 **Daddy** : wbhat

 **Meta Knight:** When Dedede spoke to me, at great length, about his wish to gather you all in a place where he could talk to and keep an eye on you...

 **Meta Knight** : He spoke of you very specifically.

 **Meta Knight** : He was so worried about you.

 **Meta Knight** : You, who'd grown up alone, you, who'd lost everything.

 **Meta Knight** : The King may fight like a brute and intimidate those who don't know him... But his heart is softer than any cloud in Dream Land.

 **Meta Knight** : He saw hope in you, potential to do good. He was scared that if you were left alone to live in spite and anger, you'd fester into something dark.

 **Meta Knight** : He saw hope within them all, but it was you that he was most genuinely scared for.

 **Meta Knight** : He wanted you to connect with the others, he wanted you to never have to be alone again.

 **Meta Knight** : Do you understand? Locking yourself from those who love you... It will only cause you to fester.

 **Meta Knight** : It's in your nature to gently mock others, it's simply how you express yourself- It's common.

 **Meta Knight** : But when that mocking turns into genuine hate is when you put yourself and others at risk of conflict. You're only harming yourself by antagonizing those with the potential to truly understand you, the girl who had been alone for so long. 

 **Meta Knight** : Is my message clear?

 **Daddy** : i

 **Daddy** : yeah

 **Daddy** : ugh, i'm sorry

 **Daddy** : i never really

 **Daddy** : i was never good at the whole relationships thing

 **Daddy** : friendships, families, love

 **Daddy** : it was never natural to me.

 **Daddy** :they can all recover together and learn off of eachother, but not me. i've never been that kind of person.

 **Meta Knight** : Come now... Do you know what you're saying? That is all the more reason to fight for this, fight tooth and nail to keep your heart open until one day, you'll realize:

 **Meta Knight** : You don't have to fight anymore.

 **Meta Knight** : Your will is impossibly strong, I've seen it firsthand.

 **Meta Knight** : You can do it! You have my faith.

 **Daddy** : if i have to fight for it then what's the point? it's fake.

 **Meta Knight** : Nothing born of such stalwart determination could be worth less than shining gold. Remember that, and your struggle will always have meaning.

 **Daddy** : ...

 **Daddy** : I've... Been childish. Thank you, Meta Knight. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us before.

 **Meta Knight** : It has already been forgiven. 

 

...

_You have 15 unread messages._

...

_Ding!_

..!

_You have 16 unread messages._

_This is the start of your message history with ~Starchild~_

 

 **~Starchild~** : hey magolor!

 **~Starchild~** : i didn't even know you were on here... talk about a coincidence! 

 **~Starchild~** : marx told me about what happened with susie... i wanted to see if you were doing ok!

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I don't need your pity.

 **~Starchild~** : come on, don't be like that...

 **~Starchild~** : just listen!

 **~Starchild~** : you live in a harsh world full of nasty things... all your life, everyone and everything has been against you! isn't that right?

 **~Starchild~** : it must've been hard... 

 **enterprisingIntellect** : **Don't sit there and talk about me like you understand, you understand NOTHING.**

 **~Starchild~** : but i do! ever since i appeared in dream land it's been adventure after adventure, struggle after struggle... it's made me really appreciate peaceful times!

 **~Starchild~** : i've had to fight constantly for  _everything_ , with void termina, the stakes were higher than ever! i fought hard for everyone.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : How nice for you. I'm really proud of your achievement. Kindly off yourself and leave me be.

 **~Starchild~:** ouch... you're really mad, huh..?

 **~Starchild~** : you shouldn't say things like that you know, even if you're _really_ mad.

 **~Starchild~** : that's how people get hurt, and that all reflects on you somewhere down the line. 

**enterprisingIntellect: Just get to the damned point.**

**~Starchild~** : alright then.

 **~Starchild~** : you're really strong, magolor. you survived in a world like halcandra all alone! that's impressive all by itself.

 **~Starchild~** : you were smart enough to trick me, and even though that hurt, i was really impressed! 

 **~Starchild~** : it didn't hurt for long.

 **~Starchild~** : you and me have both fought really hard for what we want, so i thought i might be able to get it across...

 **~Starchild~** : that maybe me and you could learn a thing or two from eachother!

 **~Starchild~** : i'll admit, i can be a bit of a pushover... you're assertive and tough! i wish i could tell people 'no' like you.

 **~Starchild~** : in turn, i think that there's something you need to learn, and i could teach you!

 **~Starchild~** : when people make you mad, you don't need to react.

 **~Starchild~** : you need to relax and just let some things wash over you like the ocean tide...

 **~Starchild~** : that reminds me, we should go to the beach sometime, magolor! that'd be fun!

 **~Starchild~** : hehe.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Do you even know what you're going on about!?

 **~Starchild~** : not really! i know what i want you to take away, but it doesn't really matter how i say it, right? so long as i don't upset you.

 **~Starchild~** : i want you to understand that not everything needs to be taken in, sometimes you can just let things go past you!

 **~Starchild~** : when you can do that, you can filter out the things that make you mad.

 **~Starchild~** : of course, don't be like me all the way! if someone's really trying to upset you, stick up for yourself!

 **~Starchild~** : just... don't take every little thing as a declaration of war. 

 **~Starchild~** : you've fought constantly all your life, but talking to your friends isn't a battle. you don't need to fight with us.

 **~Starchild~** : there have been times when i've been really mad.

 **~Starchild~** : i don't talk about them, they upset me. i've never told anyone about how i feel in those moments where i've been  _truly_ angry.

 **~Starchild~** : i've wanted to take the world and crush it, just consume everything for a chance at some peace and quiet...

 **~Starchild~** : but i've always stayed strong! if i ate everything, who'd be there to share cake with me? it'd be pretty lonely.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : YOU? I can't imagine you having thoughts like that.

 **~Starchild~** : take it as you will, but it's true...

 **~Starchild~** : and it takes a lot for me to tell you that! i was typing for so long, hehe...

 **~Starchild~** : how about you come to the party and hang out with me and marx? we can share cake! i'll take a picture of the three of us for my friend wall!

 **~Starchild~** : there's always room for one more on there.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : You...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : You are an infuriating creature, you know that?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : To be so positive in all walks of life... How I envy you.

 **~Starchild~** : is that a dramatic yes?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : ...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Fine.

 **~Starchild~** : good! no fighting susie?

 **enterprisingIntellect** : No fighting Susie.

 **~Starchild~:** great! besides...

 **~Starchild~** : You know I could defeat you both at once, right? Ha. Ha. Ha.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Wait, what!? Kirby!?

 **~Starchild~** : what? what's the matter? you're actin all scared! hehe.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : N-Nothing...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I'm going to go apologize to Susie now, alright? 

 **~Starchild~** : ok! good luck~!

* * *

_04:00PM_

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**enterprisingIntellect** : Hello, everyone.

 **Daddy** : Greetings.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Um.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Well.

 **Daddy** : Do you want to go first?

 **enterprisingIntellect:** No, no, go ahead.

 **Daddy** : I'm fine! You can go.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : No really it's ok you can do it first.

 **THE KING** : guys.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Right, sorry.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : I apologize for threatening to kill you and Zan, as well as making assumptions about your relationship and generally antagonizing you. I will attempt to keep my cool in future interactions.

 **Susie** : I apologize for making fun of you relentlessly and not picking up that it was genuinely upsetting you, this is a fault of my own inability to recognize social cues and you have done nothing wrong.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Apology accepted.

 **Daddy** : Likewise.

 **THE KING** : see this kids is what i like to see.

 **THE KING** : good job!

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Hooray.

 **Daddy** : Homestuck is pretty good, anyway. I just make fun of it for the jokes.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules:** WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT HOMESTUCK

 **Fuckhands McMike** : daroach! shush! don't ruin the moment!

 **edge** : thank god that's dealt with

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : YEAH!! NO MORE SADNESS!!!!!!!!!

 **I can't read** : How nice.

 **Thunder Thot** : I'm just glad you're feeling better, Susie.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Gee, thanks.

 **Thunder Thot** : No offense! It's just worse when I can see it in front of me...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : None taken.

 **vriska** : a cheer for not hatred.

 **THE KING** : i've been thinking.

 **THE KING** : since we've demonstrated a level of maturity enough to settle this 

 **THE KING** : i think i might take up meta's offer and add his little 'friend' in here

 **THE KING** : while we're all riding this friendship high.

 **THE KING** : this could possibly be a really bad choice but hey meta said he'd join if it didn't work out or once we've got them talking sense so

 **THE KING** : you guys ready?

 **vriska** : yes.

 **Daddy** : I believe so.

 **Thunder Thot** : I think we can handle it, how bad could it be?

 **edge** : famous last words

 **enterprisingIntellect** :  **Just do it the suspense is ripping me asunder.**

 **THE KING** : alright

 **THE KING:** here goes.

 **THE KING** : hope this doesn't like, end the universe or something.

 **THE KING** : brace yourselves.

_THE KING has added Galacta Knight to the group!_

**Galacta Knight** : Ẅ̴̛͍̜̱̙̐ͯ́ͭͭͣ̾̈́̔ ̷̷͎̬̲̞͖̩͗̿̾ͪ̅̎ͥ̿͐ͩͨ͂͜H̵̡̺̩͕̥͚͉͙̝̫̰̬͔ͨ̆̄ͮͬ̋̍ͤ̽͗̔ͯ̉͆͟͜͞ ̷̡̼̟̱̞̦̥͉̭ͣ̍̐͂͜͝Ö̤̳̘͖ͨͥ̆ͩ̄̍̑̊̕͝ ̵̮͍̝͈͖̠̘̲͚͈̑̿ͦͣ̌̓͝ ̶̡̝̱͖̫̭̯͕̹̩̙̔͗̇ͮ͒̂͗ͩ͟ ̰̺̣̮͙̘̤̭̭̳̣̘͓̘̯͙̺̝͖̓̀ͩ̒ͨ̕ ̝̬͖͙̫̟͈̯̩ͥͣͥͥͬ͢Ḑ̡͕̠̬͚͊͗ͧ̂̔̊ͨ̇ͨ͑̉ ̷̡̱̩͖̦̥͍͈̗̾́͌̀̋ͣ̀͐̑ͨͬͬ̅͆̕A̶̢ͩ̊͋͑̃͆̅̈̎ͤ̉ͤ͞͏̟̼̝̦̖̺͎ ̶̙̣̙̟͚̱̣͎̺͌́̄͒̂̉̅ͧͫͪ̌͒̉̋́͊͘Rͥ̊̋͏̡̛̱͙̪̰̟͠ ̶̵̱̝̜̜͇̹̗̦͕͖̹̔̆͑̂͌̈̔͡͞ͅE̷̵̖̖̜͕̳͒͗̋̀̓̆͋̎̽̚ͅ ̵̪̝̲̞̘̘͎̳͕̣͎̉͆̽́ͪ̽ͥ͑ͦͦ͐ͣ͗͘̕͝ͅS̨̟͔̻̯̤̼͈͙̫̎͐ͯ̌ͮ̓̊̋̊̽̋͊̐ͤ̋̔̈́̂ ̵̨̯͈͕̂̽ͧ̀͋̃͗͛͌̄͐͜ ̷̷͚͈͔̟͕̠̝̩̥̪̯͖̠̼̣̖̤ͣ̋ͫ̋ͩ̽̕͟͢ ̛̰͈͍̳̦̮̣͙̤̬̬̹̟̳̻́̈́͆ͤ͛̽̋̋͆̈̋͘͟͠͠?̷̨̯̜͓͈̝̪̰̰̫̰̲͑̒̏ͩ͒ͭͤ́̅̓ͮ͂̄̚̕

 **enterprisingIntellect** : OH SWEET BABY JESUS


	4. Sweet Baby Jesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, someone let me out of my cage.  
> Time for me is nothin' cause i'm countin' no age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> King Dedede - THE KING  
> Marx - edge  
> Magolor - enterprisingIntellect  
> Susie - Daddy  
> Daroach - The Rat That Makes The Rules  
> Claycia - Fuckhands McMike  
> Taranza - vriska  
> Francisca - I can't read  
> Flamberge - Daddy's Little Monster  
> Zan Partizanne - Thunder Thot  
> Galacta Knight - Galacta Knight

04:11PM

_-Villains Anonymous-_

**Galacta Knight** : Ẅ̴̛͍̜̱̙̐ͯ́ͭͭͣ̾̈́̔ ̷̷͎̬̲̞͖̩͗̿̾ͪ̅̎ͥ̿͐ͩͨ͂͜H̵̡̺̩͕̥͚͉͙̝̫̰̬͔ͨ̆̄ͮͬ̋̍ͤ̽͗̔ͯ̉͆͟͜͞ ̷̡̼̟̱̞̦̥͉̭ͣ̍̐͂͜͝Ö̤̳̘͖ͨͥ̆ͩ̄̍̑̊̕͝ ̵̮͍̝͈͖̠̘̲͚͈̑̿ͦͣ̌̓͝ ̶̡̝̱͖̫̭̯͕̹̩̙̔͗̇ͮ͒̂͗ͩ͟ ̰̺̣̮͙̘̤̭̭̳̣̘͓̘̯͙̺̝͖̓̀ͩ̒ͨ̕ ̝̬͖͙̫̟͈̯̩ͥͣͥͥͬ͢Ḑ̡͕̠̬͚͊͗ͧ̂̔̊ͨ̇ͨ͑̉ ̷̡̱̩͖̦̥͍͈̗̾́͌̀̋ͣ̀͐̑ͨͬͬ̅͆̕A̶̢ͩ̊͋͑̃͆̅̈̎ͤ̉ͤ͞͏̟̼̝̦̖̺͎ ̶̙̣̙̟͚̱̣͎̺͌́̄͒̂̉̅ͧͫͪ̌͒̉̋́͊͘Rͥ̊̋͏̡̛̱͙̪̰̟͠ ̶̵̱̝̜̜͇̹̗̦͕͖̹̔̆͑̂͌̈̔͡͞ͅE̷̵̖̖̜͕̳͒͗̋̀̓̆͋̎̽̚ͅ ̵̪̝̲̞̘̘͎̳͕̣͎̉͆̽́ͪ̽ͥ͑ͦͦ͐ͣ͗͘̕͝ͅS̨̟͔̻̯̤̼͈͙̫̎͐ͯ̌ͮ̓̊̋̊̽̋͊̐ͤ̋̔̈́̂ ̵̨̯͈͕̂̽ͧ̀͋̃͗͛͌̄͐͜ ̷̷͚͈͔̟͕̠̝̩̥̪̯͖̠̼̣̖̤ͣ̋ͫ̋ͩ̽̕͟͢ ̛̰͈͍̳̦̮̣͙̤̬̬̹̟̳̻́̈́͆ͤ͛̽̋̋͆̈̋͘͟͠͠?̷̨̯̜͓͈̝̪̰̰̫̰̲͑̒̏ͩ͒ͭͤ́̅̓ͮ͂̄̚̕

**enterprisingIntellect** : OH SWEET BABY JESUS

**Thunder Thot** : Galacta Knight!? As in, THE Galacta Knight!? Dedede, whatever are you thinking?

**THE KING** : you know them?

**Thunder Thot** : KNOW THEM? Dedede, you don't understand, all those years ago, before we were sealed away...

**Thunder Thot** : Hyness and the three of us, we...

**Galacta Knight** : H̢͓̭͖̥͇͓̊̂͜͝ ̨̙͌̾̂ͬͭͥ̽͋Y̷̵̴̱̮͉̰̬̻̥̰̿̂ ̲̝ͨ̽͑ͧ͟N̷̗͒ͭ̍̊̅͛̈́͂ ̸͇̼͔̪̺͖̫͇̣ͧͥ̎̉ͪ̉ͧ͊͑͞E̢̝̝͉͇̫ͩ͒̅ͭ̽̓ͨ̆ ̀͗͊͒͆҉̮̺̲̭̯̭S͕͛̽̓ͨ̚͡ ̶̬͕̟̰͔͐͒ͦ͋̈́ͫ̆̓͡S͉̙͍͔͉̻̻̏ͤ͌͗ ̫̼̯̖͔̫̇̃.̨͎̟̯̣͛́ ͖͎̼̳̘̭͙̍̐ͫ̀ͤ͑ͯͬ͗ͅ.̱̓͌̑̈̕͞ ̓̾҉̵̹̮̱͓̮̘̦̰̦.̴̥͓̖̮̫͖̮̩ͣ͜ ̥̪̠͎͓͒̑͛̋̒̓́̈́͘

**Thunder Thot:** It remembers...

**Galacta Knight** :H̷̹͉̬̰̭͉̺̥̝̼̤̮̦͚̥͐̒̔̉̌͛͂͋̚͟ ͆ͭͩ͋̑̿͐ͬͨ̾͋ͤ̈́̈ͥ̋̇҉̵͏̷̲̻̠͓̤̪͍͔͈͖̳̥̮̲̞̪̣͡ͅY͛ͩ̄̀ͬ͊͑͗͗͋͛ͦ̃͛̈́̋̍͛̿͝͠͏͇̞̙͔͖̩̱ ̋ͯ̇̒̏ͣͤ̃ͯ͑ͮ̀́̀҉̡̮͚͓̟͉̣͔̤̖̙̩͡͞ͅN̷̢̺̳̠̰̪̞͚̮̖̜̠̲̮̖̮̗̦̯̄́̍̌ͯ̓̊̍͛̒̄̚͘͢ ̸̴̷͓͍͔̬̞̔͐ͩ̌E̛͇͓̥͎̺̩͔̝̝̥͎̠̙͈̰̳̊̔ͩ̽ͧ̂͂͘͜ ̴̫̳̳̠̣͇̩͍̬̭̠͎̖̠̃ͨ̑̿̅ͯ̏ͫͧͩ̍͑ͭ̎͟S̢̨͓͙̜̱͎͕̺̻̙̹͍̖̪̿͆̄̈ͣͧ͑̎̐͑ͬ̍̾͂̌ͬͫͮ́̕ ̶̧̥̠̲͎͙̝̭̱̏̾͒̂̔͊͌͋̽S̷̢̤̗̞̻̥͖̹̣̭̖̬̠͈͊̈́̓ͣ͊ͥͥ̽͟͢ͅ ͈̣̖͍̹͓̱͕̻̻̇͒͌ͫͪ̉͒̊̐̊̂ͣ͠.͉̥̪̗̞͎̤͍̥͖͕̩͍͇̖̫ͦͥ̋̉ͮ͑̒ͮ̇ͦͨ̀͛̽̋ͦ͗͠͝ ̶̵͚̙̖͍̳̮̜̣̳̪̹̝̜̮̞͔̩̆̔ͧ̋̀ͯͬ̚̚͜.̴̦̻̗̗̥̱̘̯̤̈ͦ͂̒̾̽ͤ̈́̇̅ͪͅ ̵̷̢͙̤̗̫̆ͣ̈̿̑͑̈̾ͅ!̢͇̹̟̏͐̊ͫ̍̌͛̍̓̅̾͒ͨ̈ͧ̒͡ͅͅ! !  
---  
  
**edge** : this is just getting obnoxious to read

**edge** : HEY 

**edge** : listen up you fucking cartridge tilt

**Thunder Thot** :Marx, no!

**edge** : tone down the god damn just galacta about 300 semitones ok

**edge** : can't see shit

**Thunder Thot** : Marx, this is serious!

**enterprisingIntellect** : Galacta... It's really you?

**enterprisingIntellect** : I never thought I'd actually have a chance to speak with you...

**Thunder Thot** : Magolor, you of all people should know why this is very bad!

**enterprisingIntellect** : I can take them.

**Thunder Thot** : YOU REALLY CAN'T.

**Thunder Thot** : Please, just remove them Dedede!

**THE KING** : let's give them a chance, at least!

**THE KING** : sure they're connecting to the chat via some kind of eldritch mind link but hey we've all had some close encounters with unimaginable void creatures, right?

**Galacta Knight** : W̻̼̺̰ͥ̀ ̼͔͓̙ͯ͂͂̕̕H̦͇͍̠̟͆̈́̄͝ ͈̯̮͉̩ͩ͒̓ͪ͊̆́̈Yͩ̿̿̍͌̉҉̣̜̮͝ ͕͖̻̳̤̥͍̓ͯ͆̉͞ ͇̪̖̙͙̮͓͕̓̓̒̃ͯ ͪ̇͌̅͜͏҉̗̟̦̭̲A̢͕̝̰͖̐͛ ̶̛̳̭͈̻͔̬̏ͪ͊̓͛ͯM̨̧͇̼̩̠̰͔͔͍̌̒ͮ ̶͉̜̜̘̫̐͒̇̈́͑ͤ͜͜ ̸̶͇̼ͫ̄͊ͥ̈̊̄ ̛̘̱̮̾ͯͣͣͩ̾̓̾͠Ì̧̬̻̼̦̰̥̯̈͐͒ͨ̄̑͢ ̦̪̤̬̣̻̹̪͗̂ ͓͈͍̰̜͆̌͢ ̓̅̀ͬ̅҉̲̖H͚̮̟͐̌͐͛ ̜͕̼̹̘͉̹͖̇̽̀̂̎̈ͧͪ͢Ẻ̓ͯ҉̳͇ ̍͛ͧͫ͑̚͏̧̛̱̻͙̩R̛̥̱̭̲̲̻̤̀͐̊͑͊̈́̉̌͝ ̹̪̮͈̥̇͛E̢̜̩͕̲̯͗̏̉ ̶͉̩̗̼̦̜̙̅̒̏͑͌̋̀ͫ͟ͅ ̵̶̫͚̑́̀ͭ̈ ̘͇ͩ?̷̯̦͈̺͇̣ͣ̄ͦͅ

**THE KING** : see? they toned it down like marx asked.

**Thunder Thot** : Francisca and Flamberge won't even touch their phones, they're too terrified... 

**THE KING** : **@Galacta Knight** you're here to make friends.

**Galacta Knight** : ̭̠̩̘͙̳̾ͯͤ̍ͥ̃͠ ̫ͬ̐ H̰̫̳̫̥́͠ ̵͎̭̠͇͋͗͑̔A̓̒̌ ͓͕̦̖͉̬͚̏́̽̊̒̾͡V̝̣̜̭̼ͪͅ ͙̰͍̹̤̮̬͑̂͢E̩̝̗̖ͨ͐ͯ͌ ̯̜ ̭̭̘̻̀̂̎͋̚ ̖̻̜̏̐̄ͥ͑̐͘Nͧ̉ͫ̿̍҉͕̗̞ ̴̝̪͍ͤͣ̅̋O̯̻̬͙̜̰̪ ͍̜̺̥ ̵͈͉̺̠̋͐̽ ̷̯̦͖̃̔̾͊Ṵ͉͕̠̀̃̽̾ ̃͐̋͝S̤̤̦̝͈̜͉̓ Ē̻̘͕̘͖͚ͫ ̡̮ ̡̝̱̮̲͎̤̈̒͌̆̃̂̔ͅ ͬ̎́͗̇̒͐F͓̠̫̞̙͉̥͐ͩ ̀̓̂̅͆̄ͮO̡ͫͧ ͍͠R̂ ̭̫ͮ̇̃ͣ̊ ͉͎ͤ̓͋̄̉̀̎ ͇͉ͣ͝S̪̥̩̺͒͌͊̌ ̩͎̘̻̃̿ͬ̅ͥ̂U̹͈̗͋̀͋ͨ ̫̼ͮ̉́C͔͎͍̽̈ͧ ͚̘͉̺̞̇̃̊̋H̜̕ ͍̰̻̽ ̲̘̣͓̳͍ͥ ̯̊̀̇͠T̠̖͈̝ ̶̮̝̾̀͒̾H̢̠̆̈́ͧ̃̽͊ ̰͙̻̗̦̿ͣ̿I̭̫̮̝̝͊͢ ̡͐N͈͚̼͎͚̗̤̓̏ ̮͙̘̼ͭ̉̾́ͯG̟̱̥̪̹̜͍͝ ͉̠̘̭̳̦ͦͤ̒̐̂̓S͚͔͉̤͍̬͑ ͈̮̟͇̥̖̌̆̑ͪ͜ ̦̺̩̜̿ͤͫ́ͦ͂ ̮̗̘̰͛̇̃̓ͬ̏.ͭ̈̑ͨ̎̚͘  
---  
  
**edge** : see that one always sounds so appealing

**Galacta Knight:** İ̖͉̼̌ ̼͔̀͒ ̶̤̺͉̤̭̄̔͊̆ ̱͉̗͍̮̈ͥͩͩͮH͙̼̳̙̪͕̭ͮ͘ ̭̹̞̻̅Aͭ̄ͮ͘ ҉̜̞͉V ͓͉̥̬ͨ̀̓͘E̢͚̦̫͕̘̥̍ͫ̍ ̞̜͈̝ͨ̓ͪ͑͒͑̚ͅ ͉ͣ ̉ͨ͐͛͌̚L̯͍ͧ̒̄͡ ̸̤̃̾̾ͦ̽̎̓I͔̬̟ ͇͚̾̑̕V͎̬̞͖͍͇ ̦̒̃̈́͝E͓͇͍ ̢͆̎ͦD̝̗̪̪̩̳ͯ͊̀ͥ͗ͅ ̷̲͉̫̘̲ͫͅ ̎ ͎̲ͤ̍ͤͭ͑ͤF̱̙̥ͨ͛̃̃̀̄̎͟ ̨ͧͫO͙̖̩ͨ̓͌̋ͥ̉ͣ ͈͔̪̜͐̅̍̏ͮR̨̰̲̹̫̝ͩ͑ͅ ̜̩̳͚ͩ̆̍͛̎ͭ͛͢ ̩̰ ͔̦̗̥͍̣̜̎͛ͪͪẸ̽ ̼͈͕̞̗̪̫̏̄̒͗ͯŎ̦̱͙ͮ͋̃̈́ ̨̳̈ͬ͌͌N̷̫̼̤̓ͩͩ̄́ͩͧ ͖͎̑͑͗͠Ş̞̘͇͚̃̐ͩ̎̊̈ ̮̖͍̪̲͚̮̇ ̋ ̢̳̖̙͔͎.ͣ͌ͧ̇ͫ̂͐ ͯ̍̈́̀̾̕ ͖̣͖͓̺̩ͭ̓̾͑͘ͅ ̘̩̦͋͛̾ͭ.̺̙̞ͩ̏͑̽ͨͅ ̸ͯ̇ͥͭͭͭ ̯̻͓̊̽ ̛̟͎̯̺ͦ̀̐ͬ͊̏̌ͅ.͈̥̻̹̞̤ͬ̋ ̯̗̥̲̦̖̇̍͂͂̍͡ ̠͊̆͞ ͊̎ͣͥ̓ͯͦI̵̘̦͍̙͓̊ͭ͐ ̮̘̩̠̘̟̼ͬ͑ ̙̣̦́́̋̆ ̝ͯT͖̓̊ͅ ̨̣̎H́͒̒̈҉̣̦̗̼͖̻ ̴ͪ̿Ị̺̬ͫ͠ ̶̮͓̣̎ͅN͖̞̝̻̠ͯ͋̉ ̵̮̱̲̞͌͑K̝̠͊̆ ̛͍̼͎̹̩͎̽ͯ̿ ̜̪̺̱̦̗ͦͨ͛̃ͭ̀̎ ̴̻͔̞ͦͤI̼͆͛̍ ̶ ̲̟̰̻̖̻̥̀̎ͦ̍̚ ͓͖͍̃͆̏͗ͦ̂̇͡ W̵̜͓̲̱̥̉̀̏͊́̔͒ ̹͉̓͊͐ͣ̇̊͒O͓͎ͭ͆ͨͧ͢ ̣͓̬̲͈̗͂̓̈̏ͩ̕U͎͘ ̬͐̔̄̊̍̓̇Ḽ͈͈̞̟̞͠ D̙̰̬ͅ ̆̿ͫ͊͏̳͙͔̖͖ͅ ̲̼̘̼̩̟̊ͅ ̙̫̯͉̰ͤ̄K͚̹̮̫͙̃̇̚ ͉̫̮̒͐̃̂̐̐ͨN͢ ̟͇̗̝́̓̿̈́̾̌̃Ȏ̩̲̲̒̒ ̭͉͈̠͗͌ͪ͝W͒͋̋̌͑̓͌ ͎̥͡ ̯̦̭͋ͯ̇̌ ͎̦̤̓͂ͥͥ.̶̞͉̫̤̭͙͖̂͑ͫ͌ͯ  
---  
  
**edge** : this damn chat has been too serious lately

**edge** : you know what we need in here?

**enterprisingIntellect** : ?

**edge** : memes

**edge** : lots of them

**vriska** : did somebody say  m e m e s ?

**edge** : yeah see the creepy spider baby knows what's up

**edge** : **@Galacta Knight** do you know what a meme is

**Galacta Knight** :N̳̳̖̼ ͖͝O̼̩̝̹̬ ̹͔̙̞͢.͓̘̘͝  
---  
  
**edge** : see that's your problem

**edge** : you gotta learn to laugh instead of be all weird and put glitches all over my screen

**edge** : does that turn off by the way?

**Galacta Knight** : T̳͎̯͖͍̱ͅ ̧̠̝͈̺Ḥ̭͇̗̞͝ͅ ̢̬I̤̱ ̲̞͈͢S̖̦ ҉͈͙̳̹͇ ͓͈ͅ ͖M̻̣̪̪͚̟̫ ̳̣̞̲̼̱E ̠̻̰̞̝͎T̙̙̼͠ ̥Ḩ͖͇̩͓̫̟ ̜̬͟O̞͙͇͙̻̬̖ ͞D̥̙̦͓͘ ҉͚͔̥ ̤̖ ̫̬̩̻̟̟͔O̦͕͈̖͝ ̧̝̣F̴̯̣͙̼͚ ͟ ͖͟ ̳̥̯͔̠̳C̠ ̰͕͉͙̠͉ͅO̮̱̲͡ ̠̫̝̮M̳͔ ̷̻͕͕͔̳͓M̖̞͍̝͎͡ ̗͔̹U͓̖͎̺͕͡ͅ ̺͍̜͔̦͖̱N͙̻ ͇̝͙I̶̝ ͠C̣͚̫̺͈̦ ̩ͅA̬̬̥͕͉̳͘ ̮̣̕T͓̼̩̹̭̠ ҉̙̠̳I̜̠ ̞̦O̩̜͇̤ ͉Ṉ̴͉ ͏͙̤͇̤͕̻ ͍̻ ͘I͖ ̖̘S͕̜̤͎̙͇ ̻̻̥̻͉̞͇ ̷̞̫̲̪͚ ҉.̜̮̺̖͕̺͢ ͓͞.̝̻̻̣̞͎͈ ̣̻̣̜͎ͅ.̮͚̜̭͞ ̛͕̟͈͈ ͢ ̼͓̗̹̦̺͇N̡͇̰̹͉ ̠͈͉̩͢E҉̤͓̟ ͕͖W͏͔̳̠̻̘͔ͅ ̧͖̻͚̙̬̰ͅ T̲͉͍̮̭ ̹̪͔O̠͚̥̠̟͢ ҉̳̟̣M̥ͅ E̲̪͍ ͎͈̜ ̸ .͇̘̗͍̰̼͜  
---  
  
**edge** : eh maybe some day

**edge** : look look see this

**edge** : what do the words ' **sans undertale releases despacito 3 & knuckles (featuring dante from the devil may cry series)**' mean to you

**vriska** : marx that's way too advanced.

**Thunder Thot** : Marx... It's really nice to see you  trying to make friends, but you're in over your head with this thing.

**edge** : my fate has been sealed

**edge** : you told me i couldn't do it

**edge** : now my only motivation is SPITE

**Fuckhands McMike** : D:

**vriska** : oh boy.

**Galacta Knight** : D͏ES..͝.͞PA҉...̴C͡I̕T҉O͡.͘.̸.  
---  
  
**edge** : they're LEARNING

**vriska** : so this is the weight of creation.

**THE KING** : how about this, marx takes galacta knight to the land of their dms and marx can teach them all about memes and maybe how to not do the glitchy thing.

**THE KING** : sound good?

**Thunder Thot** : Better than them being here.

**Daddy** : Sounds alright, my apologies for lurking.

**enterprisingIntellect** : Once they're calmed down a tad, I wouldn't mind discussing some things with them.

**Fuckhands McMike** : they seem... interesting...

**Daddy** : They'll have a harem at this rate.

**enterprisingIntellect** : You'd know a thing or two about harems, wouldn't you?

**Daddy's Little Monster** : what's a harem???

**THE KING** : by royal decree this conversation topic begone

**enterprisingIntellect** : This abuse of power... Father, how could you sink so low...!?

**Daddy** : Hey, you finally called him dad.

**THE KING** : ->:D

**Daddy** : What is that.

**THE KING** : it's a smiley face but like with a little crown on it

**Daddy** : Oh

**Daddy** : My god?

**Fuckhands McMike** : oh my goodness that's so cute...

**enterprisingIntellect** : What, no Homestuck jokes Susie?

**Daddy** : Not towards father.

**enterprisingIntellect** : I see.

**Fuckhands McMike** : careful! you'll summon daroach.

**Daddy** : Not even Daroach can stand against my overwhelming crush on Rose Lalonde.

**enterprisingIntellect** : That... Explains a lot.

**Thunder Thot** : What's she like?

**Daddy** : Goth, purple, attractive. 

**Thunder Thot** : I see...

**Fuckhands McMike** : oh my god.

**Daddy** : ?

**Fuckhands McMike** : nothing!

 

_05:04PM  
_ _-Villains Anonymous-_

**edge** : alright you fucks

**edge** : can i get a check on whether you're all ready for the new and improved galacta knight

**edge** : are the mages gonna have another panic attack

**I can't read** : I just might.

**Daddy's Little Monster** : susie's been a big hep keeping everyone calm!!!

**edge** : fantastic whatever so long as you don't shit your pants after one notification im gucci

**edge** : **@Galacta Knight**  

**edge** : go on

**edge** : show em what's up

**Galacta Knight** : HOW DO YOU DO MY FELLOW KIDS.

**edge** : THAT'S RIGHT GLITCHES WHO

**enterprisingIntellect** : That was actually my doing, but you know.

**edge** : step off mags lemme run down the patch notes

**edge** : they're still thinking in all caps but they're totally a master of memes

**edge** : we got classics we got new shit who KNOWS what they could come out with at any given moment they're a god damn unstable crucible of meme energy

**edge** : even removed herobrine

**Daddy** : Can't have a patch without that.

**Fuckhands McMike** : !!!!!!!!

**edge** : that's right look at all those marks of exclamation

**edge** : or should i say

**edge** : marx's exclamation of how much we don't have to mope around this cryptid

**enterprisingIntellect** : What, not going to rate your own pun?

**edge** : my puns are automatically 20/10

**Fuckhands McMike** : actually, i just really like minecraft...

**Fuckhands McMike** : but this is great too! i wasn't afraid to begin with, but this is nice...

**Daddy** : Minecraft is pretty great.

**Galacta Knight** : YES. MINED CRAFTS. YES.

**edge** : see i don't actually think they have much of a clue what they're going on about but hey the wonder triplets don't need to shit themselves anymore

**edge** : can we please just

**edge** : go back to being dumbasses now

**Daddy** : Bold of you to assume any of us stopped.

**THE KING** : i'm sending all of this to meta and he's uh, well

**THE KING** : he seems pretty floored

**THE KING** : i think he'll need some time to comprehend the fact that marx taught galacta how to meme.

**Galacta Knight** : DID YOU SAY META

**Galacta Knight** : AS IN META KNIGHT?

**THE KING** : absolutely not i in fact meant our friend meta who's name is short for

**THE KING** : metal 

**Galacta Knight** : METAL. 

**THE KING** : metal! which is short also for uh

**THE KING** : metal??? sonic???

**Galacta Knight** :

**Galacta Knight** :

**Daddy** : Oh, hey, they can do that too.

**Galacta Knight** : IS FRIEND METAL SONIC A STRONG WARRIOR?

**THE KING** : no actually he's really weak and puny

**edge** : he's so dumb he destroyed his own battleship for no reason

**THE KING** : yeah! like, who does that?

**Galacta Knight** : A FOOL.

**Galacta Knight** : I MOCK SUCH AN IDIOT, HE IS SO FOOLISH, ALEXA! PLAY DESPACITO AS I GLOAT.

**edge** : i am so proud

**vriska** : what have you created.

**I can't read** : Somehow I can't tell if this is more or less terrifying. 

**Galacta Knight** : THIS SOMEWHAT REMINDS ME OF A TIME LONG GONE...

**Galacta Knight** : WHEN I RETURNED FROM BATTLE AND WAS MET WITH FANFARE...

**Galacta Knight** : I WOULD GLOAT OVER MY FALLEN FOES AS THOSE WHO FEARED ME COWERED EVER FURTHER.

**I can't read** :  _Must've been really nice._

**vriska** :you good?

**vriska** :fransisca?

 

_05:37PM  
_ _-Villains Anonymous-_

**edge** : hey uh _  
_

**edge** : not that i care that much or anything 

**edge** : but has anyone heard from susie or the mages? because uh

**edge** : i'm on halfmoon right now

**edge** : and i can see their ship kinda wiggling through space in a not very organized and susie-ish way

**edge** : should i go and check it out or

**THE KING** : uh?? yes??

**edge** : alright cool 

_05:41PM  
_ _-Villains Anonymous-_

**edge** : alright i got a damage report

**Fuckhands McMike** : damage..?

**edge** : i just teleported inside since everything looked fine from outside and 

**edge** : everything's just completely frozen

**edge** : or at least a lot of stuff is

**THE KING** : is francisca ok?

**enterprisingIntellect** : Her message's text was strange, the one she sent right before the chat went silent for a bit.

**enterprisingIntellect:** It could well be that she's having a rather dangerous reaction to the presence of Galacta Knight.

**edge** : man what the fuck did i say about things being serious

**edge** : i swear to god i'm gonna do the meanest fucking fortnite taunt when i see them and they'll crack up and everything will be stupid again

**enterprisingIntellect:** You play Fortnite?

**edge** : absolutely not i have taste

**THE KING** : just please make sure everyone's ok in there.

**Fuckhands McMike** : please!

**edge** : man where's daroach when you need him

**edge** : didn't he say he has experience with frozen stuff

**edge** : i mean it'd make sense for him to break into where francisca lives and return the favour

**edge** : oh wait shit i found them

**edge** : they're all kinda crowded around francisca who is

**edge** : completely encased in ice

**edge** : i don't think they've noticed me yet which is wack because every time i send a message susie's computer makes a noise

**enterprisingIntellect:** What's their condition?

**edge** : flamberge's trying to talk to her while also trying to melt the ice

**edge** : zan is asking susie what to do

**edge** : susie isn't facing me so i have no idea what she's doing but she's just kinda standing there from what i can see

**edge** : i think this is my time to shine boys (feat. claycia)

**Fuckhands McMike** : thanks, marx.

* * *

 

Marx tentatively stepped into the room, slowly walking towards the commotion. Susie heard his approach, whipping around with Zan following her actions, both of them setting their eyes upon the jester before them. Zan immediately drew her weapon and held it in front of Susie, who was looking at Marx with caution.

"Who are you!? How did you get here?" Zan barks in Marx's direction, he rolls his eyes.

"It's me, Marx. Nice to meet you too." 

Zan lowers her weapon, sighing in relief. Susie turns back to Francisca before speaking:

"After reading Galacta Knight's last message, her magic went completely out of control, some of the engines are stalling due to the lowered temperature and Flamberge is struggling to melt the enchanted ice. The only way to make it stop spreading seems to be Francisca..." Susie spoke gravely, her breath fogging up before her face. Marx didn't particularly mind the cold, but he still found himself fidgeting in the suddenly serious situation. Zan turns to Susie with a worried expression.

"I'm sure she can be consoled, it's just that she can't hear us under all that ice! If she's left alone under there..." Zan's words caused Susie's eyes to snap open, she'd heard something like that before. Susie shivers as she bows her head, mind racing with too many plans to focus on, none of them seeming like they'd work...

Marx grumbles, after his 'therapy' with Kirby, he'd learned to deal with his own issues through humour, and it had mostly worked! The only problem was that any kind of serious situation made him nervous, as if all his growth could be undone in an instant.

"Well - I could do something?" Marx blurts, locking his eyes on the entombed Francisca; Flamberge turns to look at Marx with pleading eyes.

"Marx, if not even Flamberge's fire could stop it-" Zan is cut off by Susie covering her mouth.

"I'll admit, Marx, I don't know a lot about you..." Susie looks slightly down on Marx due to their height difference.

"But all sources claim that your power is not to be trifled with. Do what you must; but blowing up the ship won't get us anywhere." Zan's eyes widen at that, this little thing could be that strong!?

Marx stared intently at Francisca, Flamberge nervously moving aside to stand with her sister and Susie. The jester looked down toward the ground, smiling. Zan had fought Marx before, but all he'd done was laugh and kick beach balls at her! Kirby and the others did most of the work, what could possibly do!? She huffed, watching to see what kind of sorry excuse for an attack this creature would cough up.

...

[An eerie song begins to play...](https://instaud.io/2xrX)

Suddenly, shining golden wings emerge from Marx's body! Rainbow scales made of light fill the space in his wingspan and Marx's eyes turn snake-like as he charges his attack! Both mages gasp in shock as the jester folds his wings inward, while Susie cast her eyes towards one of the many screens located inside the ship, checking the red recording light is still on.

...What? No use wasting good data like this.

A flash of light indicates Marx's attack was fully charged, he all at once unfolded his wings to release a horde of spinning blades! Nova's power... It was enough to cut through the ice! Francisca's almost unconscious body fell limply to the floor. Marx returned to normal, Zan being frozen in shock as Flamberge immediately ran towards her sister.

"You... You held back on me..." Zan chokes out through her mounting fear... What  _was_ he?

* * *

 

_05:49PM  
_ _-Villains Anonymous-_

**edge** : update 

**edge** : francisca froze most of the inside of the ship including herself because galacta made her mad

**edge** : but nobody could get through her ice cause it was magic or whatever

**edge** : so i had to flex some nova power

**edge** : but it's all good by the looks of it they're all talking to her now while i sit in the corner being smug

**enterprisingIntellect** : Of course, dear Nova...

**enterprisingIntellect** : A magnificent creation, indeed.

**edge** : what do you got a crush or something

**enterprisingIntellect** : It could surely crush me, with little effort mind you.

**enterprisingIntellect** : The clockwork comets are some of the greatest creations of my people.

**edge** : well thanks to their arts and crafts project i have wings and can cut little girls out of glaciers

**edge** : thanks magalor's great great great whatever grandpa

**THE KING** : is she ok?

**edge** : looks it

**Galacta Knight** : IT APPEARS MY MENTOR IN MEMESMANSHIP DOTH PRACTICE CHIVALRY.

**edge** : wait did you always speak like an old dude

**Galacta Knight** : BE SILENT AND HEED MY APPROVAL, LEST YOU 'GET OWNED'.

**vrisk** **a** : personally i think this galacta is far more terrifying than before.

**Galacta Knight** : THEN THIS NEW MANNER OF COMMUNICATION IS A ROARING **SUCC** ESS.

**vrisk** **a** : jesus christ marx how advanced did you get?

**edge** : 

**Galacta Knight** :

**enterprisingIntellect** :  **Cease.**

**edge** : i think susie's giving me a 'get off your damn phone and help us' look

**edge** : that'd be my cue to bust out the fortnite taunts and blow this crowd away

**THE KING** : i cannot believe you.

**edge** : best start believin pop cause francisca is currently losing it over my 'use my phone while dancing' technique

**enterprisingIntellect** : HOW DO YOU EVEN USE A PHONE NORMALLY

**edge** : this next one doesn't use my phone so i guess i'll have to not answer that question that i totally would answer otherwise if not for the fact that i need to not be using my phone

_edge is now away!_

**enterprisingIntellect** : I hate him. So much.

**THE KING** : sure.

**THE KING** : hey claycia wait you like shipping right

**THE KING** : hows that for ya, magamarx.

**enterprisingIntellect** : BEGONE

**Fuckhands McMike** : *sweats nervously, looking at my shipping wall*

**enterprisingIntellect** : HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**enterprisingIntellect** : 

**THE KING** : wh

**enterprisingIntellect** : 

**Fuckhands McMike** : did he get so mad... the chat can't handle it?

**Fuckhands McMike** : oh my... 

**enterprisingIntellect** : Just putting a technique in practice is all! 

**enterprisingIntellect** : A wise man once said not to take every little thing as a declaration of war, you know.

**THE KING** : no, that was kirby. kirby said that. you're trying to cover the fact that you listened to kirby.

**THE KING** : why do you even try to be a sasuke anymore dude we've got you all figured out, no shame in it.

**enterprisingIntellect** : *sigh*.

**THE KING** : at least you didn't blow up on us though, good job.

**enterprisingIntellect** : Thank you, father.

**vriska** : you know

**vriska** : i don't think i've seen daroach at all today

**vriska** : isn't that weird?

**THE KING** : after last time, let's give it a bit before we raise any alarms. i'm sure he's fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_4:50AM  
_ _-Villains Anonymous-_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : YOU MEME LOVING FUCKS THOUGHT YOU COULD GO ONE CHAPTER WITHOUT ME

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'M THE RAT THAT MAKES THE FUCKIN RULES DO YOU HEAR

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : AKJFHASDGLKJAhdfglkjahfglkjadhfgkljadhgklajdhgklajdhgkljKLJDAHGLKSJDHGLKSJDHFGKLJSHLDFGKLJASHDGKLJHSDFGIUHSTGLJISHDFKGBJNSVKJNCKVJBHDFLKJGHSLKDFGLJLGLHLSLKDJFLGKHK

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : **I AM THE FUCKING STRONG**

**The Rat That Makes The Rules: ASDFJKAHSLGFKJHAGIULAHRTGLIUAHGLAIUGHAKJNKM**

 

_8:19AM  
_ _-Villains Anonymous-_

**vriska** : i worry about him sometimes.

 


	5. The Second One With Kirby In It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought it was a Kirby villain chatfic...
> 
> BUT IT WAS ME
> 
> OTHER PEOPLE

Marshmallow

_3:14PM_

**~Starchild~** : hey dee~!

 **Marshmallow** : oh hey kirby!

 **~Starchild~** : how's the party prep going?

 **Marshmallow** : workin with the squeaks is makin things go a lot easier

 **Marshmallow** : i'm not gonna be askin where they got half this stuff anytime soon but

 **Marshmallow** : hey! it just works.

 **~Starchild~** : that's daroach for you!

 **~Starchild~** : he just works.

 **Marshmallow** : i worry about his sleepin habits though

 **Marshmallow** : it's like he's a completely different person as soon as the clock strikes 12...

 **~Starchild~** : such is the way of the roach.

 **~Starchild~** : he's a real mystery!

 **~Starchild~** : i wonder... maybe it's because of dark nebula?

 **Marshmallow** : i heard he was a real pushover.

 **~Starchild~** : yeah, easy for people who didn't fight him to say!!

 **Marshmallow** : hehe

 **Marshmallow** : it's not often i get to see the salt behind all that sugar!

 **~Starchild~** : i mean come on! you don't see me telling mario that dry bowser is a total wimp, just cause he looks a little different!

 **~Starchild~** : so inconsiderate! :(

 **Marshmallow** : the worst!

 **Marshmallow** : hey speakin of when am i gettin invited to one of those thingies

 **~Starchild~** : super smash bros? it's a secret!

 **~Starchild~** : a secret to everybody.

 **Marshmallow** : >:(

 **~Starchild~** : :3c

 **Marshmallow** : >>:(

 **~Starchild~** : woah

 **~Starchild~** : you got so mad you grew a whole two extra eyebrows!

 **Marshmallow** : they're my ANGER BROWS.

 **Marshmallow** : for SERIOUS CONFLICTS.

 **~Starchild~** : void termina shakes in fear.

 **~Starchild~** : anyways, angry boy, you have a party to plan, and i have friends to talk about your party with!

 **Marshmallow** : good point, we still good for tommorow?

 **~Starchild~** : yeah! i'll make sure i check with everyone else while i'm making my hourly friend appreciation rounds.

 **Marshmallow** : you are the purest creature on this planet.

 **~Starchild~** : <3

 

_The Shadow Realm_

_3:32PM_

**~Starchild~** : hey guys!

 **The Name You Should Know** : ʞƆ∩Ⅎ ƎH┴ ┴∀HM

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Kirby!? How did you- you aren't even IN this group chat! How did you get in here!?

 **~Starchild~** : i clicked on it!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : I hate you.

 **Black Sheep** : hi kirby!

 **~Starchild~** : hi kirby!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : don't fraternize with him!

 **~Starchild~** : hi dark meta knight!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : I WILL CUT YOU INTO TINY PIECES AND FEED THEM TO DEDEDE.

 **The Name You Should Know** : NI┴SƎſ noʎ ʎlǝɹns

 **~Starchild~** : oh come on now, be nice!

 **~Starchild~** : kirby, are you coming to bandanna dee and daroach's party?

 **Black Sheep** : of course!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Kirby! Where is your proper typing? 

 **Black Sheep** : Oh, right. Buh.

 **Black Sheep** : Yes! I'm gonna come, can I bring these two as well?

 **~Starchild~** : sure! all friends are welcome!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Fool... You would knowingly open up a path through the Mirror, knowing full well what we are capable of?

 **~Starchild~** : yes.

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Ha! Such idiocy! Kirby, Dedede! Gloat with me.

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

 **The Name You Should Know** : ɐɥ

 **Black Sheep** : Yay~!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Kirby! Put that marking away at once! I will not tolerate such a tone!

 **~Starchild~** : you know, dark meta knight...

 **~Starchild~** : there's gonna be tons of strong people at this party!

 **~Starchild~** : if you do anything funny, i won't even have to lift a finger.

 **The Black Wind Howl** : Yes, but of course! The strong, overpowering scent of new challengers...

 **The Black Wind Howls** : My, how  _tempting._

 **~Starchild~** : wow oh my god that is 

 **~Starchild~** : are you ok?

 **The Black Wind Howls** : My lust for combat... It cannot be matched.

 **The Black Wind Howls** : It has even shaken you!

 **~Starchild~** : no, it's actually just that you being horny is really uncomfortable to read.

 **Black Sheep** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **The Black Wind Howls** : DO NOT HYPE HIM UP YOU LITTLE SHIT

 **~Starchild~** : well, i said what i needed to! i'll see you all at the party~!

 **The Name You Should Know** : pɹOM ┴∀H┴ MONʞ ∩O⅄ Op MOH ¿⅄q∀q ∀ ∩O⅄ ┴,NƎɹ∀

 **~Starchild~** : you pick things up from daroach.

 **The Name You Should Know** : OHM

 **~Starchild~** : and that's my cue to leave! see you later guys!

 **Black Sheep** : Bye, Kirby!

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Your death swiftly approaches!

_Kirby has left the group chat!_

**The Black Wind Howls** : Seriously, though, how did he get in here?

 **The Black Wind Howls** : I swear he knows something we don't... How infuriating.

 **The Black Wind Howls** : And what's this about 'not having to lift a finger', that raspberry stain doesn't even HAVE any fingers!

 **The Name You Should Know** : sn ɟo ʎuɐ op ɹǝɥʇᴉǝu ʎllɐɹǝʇᴉl

 **The Black Wind Howls** : Perish.

 

_Taste the Rainbow_

_3:46PM_

**~Starchild~** : hey elline!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : oh, hello Kirby!

 **~Starchild~** : are you excited for bandanna dee and daroach's party?

 **Taste the Rainbow** : yes! i'm so very excited! Claycia and i are gonna both come, definitely!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : i heard you have new friends coming?

 **~Starchild~** : mhm! you haven't met even a fraction of my friends!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : you almost make it sound threatening...

 **Taste the Rainbow** : i've met Ado and Bandanna Dee, i've talked to Ribbon...

 **Taste the Rainbow** : i met Dedede and Taranza that one time!

 **~Starchild~** : oh yeah! that was fun, i had no idea taranza was also visiting that day.

 **Taste the Rainbow** : that grape juice went  _everywhere_ though.

 **~Starchild~** : oh my god right? it was so fun!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : people died, Kirby.

 **Taste the Rainbow** : so many Waddle Dees, drowned before their prime.

 **Taste the Rainbow** : you're a monster.

 **~Starchild~** : no, i'm kirby! and  _you're_ overdramatic!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : >:(

 **~Starchild~** : man i'm making everyone pull out their anger brows today

 **~Starchild~** : for serious conflicts.

 **Taste the Rainbow** : are we still hanging out tomorrow, you wretched fiend?

 **~Starchild~** : i don't know... can you bear to occupy space in my  _evil presence?_

 **Taste the Rainbow** : i think i'll manage.

 **Taste the Rainbow** : just!

 **~Starchild~** : ok! that's great, it's me, you, dee and marx, i still gotta double check with marx, so i'll see you in about an hour!

 **~Starchild~** : <3!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : you don't get a heart! you're too evil.

 **~Starchild~** : NO

 **Taste the Rainbow** :yes!

 **~Starchild~** : NOOOOOO I'M A GOOD BOY PLEASE LOVE ME D:

 **Taste the Rainbow** :you'll have to redeem yourself tomorrow!

 **~Starchild~** : D':

 **~Starchild~** : i'll tell claycia on you!

 **Taste the Rainbow** :you wouldn't dare!

 **~Starchild~** : i absolutely wouldn't not dare!

 **Taste the Rainbow** :this blackmail... truly you're the worst of the worst... take it, you horror!

 **Taste the Rainbow** : <3

 **~Starchild~** : yay~! ok now i'm happy gonna go talk to marx now bye!

 

_edge_

_3:54PM_

**edge** : isn't it time for your hourly friend appreciation rounds

 **~Starchild~** : !!

 **~Starchild~** : yes! how did you know?

 **~Starchild~** : could it be... you have my timetable memorized!?

 **edge** : no what

 **~Starchild~** : marx! you really are such a good friend!!!

 **edge** : oh my god stop

 **~Starchild~** : <3 <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3 

 **edge** : I HAVE A REPUTATION

 **~Starchild~** : a reputation of being a wonderful friend!

 **edge** : WRYYYYYYYY

 

For the next 15 minutes, this exchange continued, Marx displaying his true tsundere nature.

 

 **~Starchild~** : oh! i just remembered! i wanted to ask if you were still ok to hang out tomorrow, and for the party!

 **edge** : huh oh yeah that

 **edge** : yeah i'm good

 **edge** : who else is even going aside from everyone in dedede's group chat

 **~Starchild~** : our friends from the mirror world!

 **edge** : you mean underfell meta knight

 **~Starchild~** : underwhat?

 **edge** : nothing

 **edge** : point being something's crawling in his skin and he writes sins not tragedies

 **~Starchild~** : i have no idea what we're talking about!

 **edge** : figures

 **edge** : short dark and ugly aside is there anyone else we might have to deal with

 **~Starchild~** : are you really gonna fight someone there?

 **edge** : i mean if i have to

 **~Starchild~** : marx! you know parties aren't for fighting!

 **~Starchild~** : unless it's like... a fight party...

 **~Starchild~** : a... farty...

 **~Starchild~** : hehehe

 **edge** : nice

 **edge** : listen i just wanna bite some ankles and/or smite people with the power of an ancient sentient comet

 **edge** : is that so wrong

 **~Starchild~** : :|

 **edge** : don't make that face at me you know this is how i live

 **~Starchild~** : well maybe  _i'll_ fight you!

 **edge** : no

 **~Starchild~** : hah! i knew it!

 **~Starchild~** : you don't wanna hurt me, do you marx?

 **edge** : WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

 **~Starchild~** : it's ok marx, i get it.

 **~Starchild~** : because we're best friends, i don't wanna hurt you either!

 

_Villains Anonymous_

_4:13PM_

**Daddy** : Marx just made the most unearthly noise I have ever heard, what the fuck.

 **THE KING** : he's still there?

 **Daddy** : He just kind of never left.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : he's really good at this dancing game susie has!!!!!

 **Daddy** : Going to investigate the source of Marx's noises.

 **Daddy** : At peak Homestuck o'clock, wouldn't you know it.

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Hah.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : *Taps the triple star against my hand menacingly*

 **THE KING** : man claycia really is rubbing off on you

 **Fuckhands McMike** : uwu...

 

_~Starchild~_

_4:13PM_

**edge** : god you're such a sap

 **~Starchild~** : heh, i know...

 **edge** : but as a side note susie is currently pestering me

 **~Starchild~** : you're with susie!? :O!

 **~Starchild~** : tell her i said hi! tell her, tell her!

 **edge** : didn't you already talk to her in your friend appreciation?

 **~Starchild~** : yes but! tell her i said hi again!!

 **edge** : Hello Kirby. I have commandeered the goblin child's phone.

 **edge** : He is biting my nonexistent ankles as we speak.

 **~Starchild~** : SUSIE! hi!!!!!!!!

 **edge** : Hello.

 **edge** : Again.

 **edge** : I won't invade his privacy, but I can see that it was something you said that made him make such a strange sound of what I now think may have been delight.

 **edge** : Please, keep being kind to him, Kirby.

 **~Starchild~** : oh you bet! 

 **edge** : Thank you. He's biting my head now, I'm going to give the phone back.

 **edge** : HHHHHH

 **edge** : FUCKING THOT

 **edge** : DID SHE READ MY DMS

 **~Starchild~** : nope!

 **edge** : ok good

 **edge** : bluh look at all her fucking WORDS 

 **~Starchild~** : are you staying with susie right now?

 **edge** : i stayed last night since i was around and she's got like 4 spare rooms

 **edge** : had to come by and do some, y'know

 **edge** : cleaning

 **~Starchild~** : oh! are you trying to earn money?

 **edge** : no just

 **edge** : stuff happened

 **~Starchild~** : marx...

 **edge** : look i told you it's fine

 **edge** : it wasn't anything too serious francisca just had a happy little accident and i was in the area so i stopped their ship from crashing

 **edge** : i'm a real supahstar warrior and all that

 **~Starchild~** : well, i'm really happy about that! i just worry that you won't be able to keep living the way you do...

 **edge** : being homeless isn't THAT bad

 **edge** : i like it this way

 **~Starchild~** : >:(

 **edge** : don't give me that

 **edge** : besides you've made it abundantly clear that i can just crash at your place and when travel isn't really an issue for me that's fine

 **edge** : even though your house is small as hell

 **~Starchild~** : it's cozy!

 **edge** : yeah

 **edge** : cozy

 **~Starchild~** : well, as long as you're sure it's ok...

 **~Starchild~** : then i'm fine too! poyo~!

 **edge** : there we go

 **edge** : i'll figure something out for tonight when i feel like it

 **edge** : till then i'm gonna go play more just dance with flamberge

 **~Starchild~** : have fun!

 **~Starchild~** : <3

 **edge** :

 **edge** : <3

 

_Villains Anonymous_

_4:19PM_

**Daddy** : Kirby and Marx, sittin' in a tree

 **Daddy** : Having a healthy and supportive friendship that enriches both of their lives.

 **Fuckhands McMike** : awwwwwwww...

 **edge** : i will bite you again

 **Fuckhands McMike** : a-agaiN!?

 **Daddy** : It's a story. An absolute sequence of events that occurred.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Kinky space lesbian actually kinky space bi?

 **Daddy** : No, this wasn't kinky biting.

 **Daddy** : It was 'I'm going to rip your face off, give me back my phone' biting.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Fair, me and claycia are still top bisexual buddies 

 **Fuckhands McMike** : :)!

 **Thunder Thot** : Did you all know that Marx is a proficient dancer? Watching him demolish Flamberge at this game is quite a sight.

 **Daddy** : She's trying so hard, bless her heart.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Be a good daddy and cheer for her susie

 **Daddy** : Cease.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** :You can change your nickname is all i'm gonna say

 **enterprisingIntellect** : That's a point.

 **Daddy** : Have you considered that perhaps I like being called Daddy? It exudes power.

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** :Oh my fucking god

 **Fuckhands McMike** : i can't tell if she's being serious or not...

 **enterprisingIntellect** : Such is the way of the Susie.

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : MARX IS TOO GOOD AT DANCING GAMES THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!

 **edge** : read em and weep

 **Daddy** : It's like having your senses enhanced when one is removed, except for Marx it's with limbs.

 **edge** : having no arms isn't so bad

 **edge** : could be worse

 **edge** : i could have ligma

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : RUN FOR COVER

 **Daddy's Little Monster** : wait, what?

 **edge** : you never heard of ligma?

 **Daddy** : Don't worry Flamberge, it's nothing to worry about.

 **Thunder Thot** : But wait, I'm curious! What's ligma?

 **edge** :

 **edge** : ladies and gentlemen

 **edge** : we gottem

 **Thunder Thot** : Wait, whKIDUJFKHKSD L UI LFGLHLKLSDFLKLGJLHDFLKGLJ L HDFGLK J H KLJGD FLH  LKJDF H  G DKLJF G  H KJLDF G LH 

 **The Rat That Makes The Rules** : F

 **enterprisingIntellect** : F.

 **vriska** : f.

 **THE KING** : this is what happens when i leave y'all alone

 **THE KING** : i'm never taking a nap again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New friends!
> 
> Kirby: ~Starchild~ (Obvious)  
> Bandanna Dee: Marshmallow (He can use his spear to roast them, and kinda has roasted marshmallow colours! Also soft.)  
> Shadow Dedede: The Name You Should Know (Thanks Prin!)  
> Dark Meta Knight: The Black Wind Howls (Chrono Trigger! Was originally just 'Magus' but I thought he'd be more long-winded about it.)  
> Shadow Kirby: Black Sheep (Literally and metaphorically, also sheep are soft. Also doesn't fit the matching names that Shadow Dedede and Dark Meta Knight have!)  
> Elline: Taste the Rainbow (Skittles are sweet and come in rainbow colour.)


	6. Sleepytime Junction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wine is not juice, kids.

_2:46AM_

_Villains Anonymous_

 

**Daddy** : Greetings.

**Daddy** : Don't hide from me now, I know you dysfunctional bastards are still awake.

**vriska** : susie this isn't how hide and seek works, you can't use hurtful words to make me come out.

**Daddy** : Oh, right. My apologies.

**Daddy** : Red robin.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : YUM

**Daddy** : Found you.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : FUCK

**vriska** : daroach you suck at this game.

**Daddy** : How are you all, this beautiful morning?

**vriska** : i'm laying on my back looking at the stars on top of the old castle.

**vriska** : so, yeah actually this is really beautiful.

**Daddy** : That's...

**Daddy** : Soft, that's it.

**Daddy** : Very soft of you.

**vriska** : i am in fact very soft in terms of personality and skin.

**vriska** : i have fuzz.

**Daddy** : That's adorable.

**vriska** : i'm adorable.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm drinking hot sauce and dming claycia

**Daddy** : Why would you do that to yourself?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Dude what claycia's fucking rad

**Daddy** : You know what I meant.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I like the kick

**Daddy** : Right.

**Fuckhands McMike** : s-susie.. you think talking to me... hurts?

**Daddy** : No! God, no!

**Fuckhands McMike** : i can't believe you would... say that about me...

**Fuckhands McMike** : :''''(

**Daddy** : Make it stop!

**Fuckhands McMike** : tell me i'm your best friend.

**Daddy** : We hardly interact!

**Fuckhands McMike** : :'''''''''(

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Claycia what the fuck i thought i was your best friend

**Fuckhands McMike** : you're my second best friend

**Fuckhands McMike** : susie will be my third!

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Who's the first

**Fuckhands McMike** : elline <3

**vriska** : wholesome

**Daddy** : Well, they do say there's nothing better than falling in love with your best friend.

**Daddy** : Unless you feel like you'd mess up your friendship, should you confess.

**vriska** : who hurt you.

**Daddy** : Not a particular person.

**vriska** : how many people hurt you?

**Daddy** : Oh, You Know.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : She's rapidly approaching 3am form

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Finally the return

**Fuckhands McMike** : i-i was only kidding susie...

**Fuckhands McMike** : since you asked us, how's your morning?

**Daddy** : I'm doing inspections.

**Daddy** : Zan kept asking to help but she'd be out of her element, this stuff's all Haltmann tech.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Claycia

**Fuckhands McMike** : wow weird i just got a notification but there's no message here?? weird.

**Daddy** : You quoted me <3.

**Fuckhands McMike** : hehe

**Daddy** : I was thinking of touching down on Popstar for a supply run, without boring you all with the details I'm at about halfway on my current supply load.

**Fuckhands McMike** : details?

**Daddy** : Well, it's all science tech stuff, I'm sure it'd bore you all to death.

**Fuckhands McMike** : i like hearing people ramble!

**vriska** : you were the one who wanted company, right? 

**Daddy** : I'm serious! It's for nerds!

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Perfect, claycia and taranza are your exact target audience

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Unlike me, known chad 

**Daddy** : Well, if you insist.

**Daddy** : This ship was made for long business trips originally, and it employs Haltmann Spacial Compression technology for supplies.

**Daddy** : Each Supply Core contains provisions for about 1 month and is hooked up to a large control unit that distributes the stored items to the relevant areas.

**Daddy** : While compressed, the objects are in a kind of stasis so they can't go bad. I have four cores currently, two of them still full of the stocks loaded onto the ship when I first took it and the other two filled by me.

**Daddy** : I'm usually pretty paranoid about keeping them full, but outside of this system there are usually resupply stations for galactic travelers who aren't blessed with the ability to just breathe in space or fly by themselves.

**Daddy** : Lucky bastards.

**Daddy** : The core I've got plugged in right now is starting to run out, which wouldn't be a problem usually. But this time I want to refill it straight away rather than wait another month.

**Fuckhands McMike** : wow! that's... nothing like what we have in seventopia!

**Fuckhands McMike** : there's no real thinking behind anything, me and elline just kind of

**Fuckhands McMike** : make everything work!

**Fuckhands McMike** : why is it you're filling it up so soon?

**Daddy** : W

**Daddy** : Well-

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : For someone who takes herself so seriously you type like an anime character

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Oh my god you and magalor really are the same

**Daddy** : Fuck off.

**Daddy** : Not that I don't like him but I'm way better looking.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : SHOTS

**vriska** : that ramble only slowed down her 3am transformation slightly it seems.

**vriska** : don't let daroach distract you though, wanna tell us why?

**Daddy** : It's just that

**Daddy** : The two cores I filled, they're full of things I picked out, and the rooms that the Mages are staying in are just bland unused spaces.

**Daddy** : I wanted to go down to Popstar so they could buy things they like, and feel more at home before they eventually move out and stuff.

**vriska** : if you're looking for a planet-bound home for them, why bother letting them decorate your ship?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : ^

**vriska** : if you ask me, i think it'd just make saying goodbye harder.

**Daddy** : They deserve a proper home, I just want them to be comfortable in the meantime.

**vriska** : and what about you? won't it be depressing, putting all their thing back in storage or letting them leave with them?

**vriska** : a month can feel like a long time, won't eating all their favourite food make you sad?

**Fuckhands McMike** : taranza..?

**vriska** : being lonely's the worst feeling in the world, i think.

**vriska** : and i also think you're happier spending time with them than you are alone.

**vriska** : are you gonna deny that?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Holy shit

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You make a lotta good points but like

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Are you ok?

**vriska** : looking at the stars makes me think about feelings.

**vriska** : and living around the things someone else loves can only hurt you, from experience.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Where do you live

**vriska** : what

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm omw

**vriska** : wh

**Daddy** : I can send you co-ordinates.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : YEET

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Look out for the big welcoming airship coming to a cloud near you

**vriska** : susie you little shit this is about YOUR feelings!

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It's about me giving you a hug in t-minus friendship and waking up all my crew at almost three in the fucking morning

**Fuckhands McMike** : i'm sending you internet hugs!

**Daddy** : <3

**vriska** : aw man

**vriska** : you guys

**Daddy** : I'll think about it, Taranza.

**Daddy** : Daroach is right, you do make some valid points.

**Daddy** : None more valid than yourself, of course.

**vriska** : too much appreciation...

**vriska** : come on i'm not emo often let me have this.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Too late

**Daddy** : I suppose I'll ask them tomorrow if they'd be alright staying with me, but it really just feels...

**Daddy** : Desperate, I suppose? Clingy? 

**Fuckhands McMike** : susie i haven't known you for long

**Fuckhands McMike** : but i love you, ok? you're a great friend!

**Fuckhands McMike** : so trust me when i say that i think you've earned being a little clingy after living alone for such a long time...

**Daddy** : You seem as though you've aged all of a sudden, were you always like this?

**Fuckhands McMike** : it just takes me a while to open up fully is all... when i'm with just you three, i feel at ease.

**Fuckhands McMike** : that doesn't mean i'm any less uwu, though.

**Fuckhands McMike** : uwu.

**Daddy** : Yes, uwu. Very uwu.

**vriska** : uuwuu.

**vriska** : oh hey i think i see daroach's ship.

**vriska** : it's pretty cool.

**vriska** : i guess it makes sense he isn't using his phone while flying, huh.

**vriska** : hmm.

**vriska** : it's going pretty fast.

**vriska** : i can see where this is going.

**Daddy** : Have I perhaps made a poor decision?

**vriska** : wait no he's

**vriska** : he's up there, i see him.

**vriska** : he's not at the wheel. what the fuck.

**vriska** : it's going over me, i think he might've juLKSNGKJM<DF<N<<G<

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : BEHOLD THE POWER OF MY STAND

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** :「COMFORTING CAPE HUGS」

**Daddy** : Nevermind, perfect.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Taranza doesn't get a heartbreaking backstory chapter yet

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : He only gets hugs

**vriska** : why are you on your phone i'm right here i can just

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : gsdhg sfsfs

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : QUIT IT

**vriska** : JUST TALK TO ME 

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'M DISCUSSING YOUR CHARACTER ARC WITH THE LADIES

**vriska** : MY WHAT???

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It's simple

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Marx got Chapter 1 for a lil bit

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Then it was kinda back to shits and giggles in Chapter 2 but also we had the stuff with Flamberge 

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Then we had the great angstfest between Magalor and Susie

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Then 4 was Galacta with some sprinkles of Francisca 

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And 5 was back to Marx after a bunch of worldbuilding

**Fuckhands McMike** : i love this family

**Daddy** : You know Daroach, I think this is why Haltmann was afraid of you.

**vriska** : you're lucky you're so soft.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I use conditioner

**Daddy** : People don't?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Dark Nebula sure as shit didn't my man was crusty

**Daddy** : It's not often you refer to a proper noun, well, properly.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Meh

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It's to highlight the crust

**Fuckhands McMike** : i'm feeling... a love mood.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You always feel a love mood

**Fuckhands McMike** : no like... especially

**Fuckhands McMike** : i love you guys...

**Fuckhands McMike** : we're like a lil squad within the squad

**Fuckhands McMike** : with unhealthy sleeping habits

**Daddy** : And sometimes Daroach talks about eating ass or concepts beyond our comprehension.

**Daddy** : It's beautiful.

**Daddy** : Hey wait a fucking minute, why are YOU always up so late?

**Fuckhands McMike** : u-uh

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : she's writing fanfiction

**Fuckhands McMike** : actually my mood just changed i'm feeling a love mood with the new No Daroach Included dlc

**Daddy** : A gamer girl after my own heart, Elline is a lucky lady.

**Fuckhands McMike** : save it for the mages, juliet!

**vriska** : you can actually be kinda sassy sometimes, huh.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : She's just really invested in her susie ships and gets too flustered to take a compliment

**Fuckhands McMike** : daroooach...

**Daddy** : No worries, love, I'm not planning to steal you away anytime soon.

**Daddy** : Though, I could always make arrangements...

**Fuckhands McMike** : quit it!!!!!!!!

**vriska** : why must you bully her like this.

**Daddy** : Because I love her.

**Daddy** : Wait, shit, that wasn't-

**Daddy** : You know what I mean.

**Daddy** : hmph! unu

 

_3:34AM_

_Villains Anonymous_  

**vriska** : day six hundred and twelve.

**vriska** : he's still hugging me.

**Daddy** : Nice.

**vriska** : it's only thematically appropriate.

**Daddy** : Second only to eight hundred and eighty eight.

**vriska** : true.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Why do i get the sneaking suspicion you guys are talking about a banned topic

**Daddy** : Say, Taranza, don't you usually become a complete cryptid when tired? You're acting rather normal.

**vriska** : that's my secret cap.

**vriska** : i'm always tired.

**vriska** : no but seriously i had a nap earlier so i wasn't gonna be sleeping anytime soon anyway.

**Daddy** : Ah.

**vriska** : what about you? why aren't you eating anyone's hair?

**Daddy** : Not sure, perhaps doing maintenance sobers me up.

**Daddy** : If it'd make you feel better I could recreate the effect via alcohol.

**vriska** : no what the fuck.

**Daddy** : Fair enough.

**vriska** : don't scare me like that jesus

**Daddy** : Aw, you care about me?

**vriska** : don't even try that! you know i care.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Did you guys know how many arms taranza has

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : He has four of them

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : FOUR OF THEM

**Fuckhands McMike** : that's twice as many as i have..!

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And like he meant it when he said he was fuzzy it's like hugging a stuffed animal

**Fuckhands McMike** : so cute...

**The Rat That Makes The Rule** **s** : He's hiding now 

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : We gottem boys

**vriska** : daroach really is a chad this is bullying

**vriska** : but wait

**vriska** : why would a chad hug a nerd?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : When you put it that way, it's really more of an emotional support headlock

**Daddy** : Wait a second.

**Daddy** : Am I going crazy? There's a bottle of wine on the table, did I already drink? Am I hallucinating? Someone ground me.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Your name is susie you were just doing checks on your space ship and talking to your friends

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You said you didn't want to drink tonight, and you were discussing your feelings.

**Daddy** : Ok, ok. That checks, thanks.

**Daddy** : Though I honestly wasn't expecting it to be you.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I work with a man over the age of 60 I of all people should know how to remind someone who's forgetting shit

**Daddy** : Oh yeah, that guy.

**Daddy** : Anyways, back to the matter at hand, it couldn't have been Marx that took it; he's been gone for too long.

**Daddy** : How old is he, anyway?

**vriska** : come on do you really think that would stop him either way.

**Daddy** : Marx can do a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure stealing my wine across time and space is beyond his power.

**vriska** : the mages don't know a lot about daily life things, it's possible that one of them got thirsty and is now having their first drunk experience somewhere on your ship.

**Fuckhands McMike** : that's... not good...

**Daddy** : oh shti 

**Fuckhands McMike** : good luck finding them!! hurry!

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Damn she went ZOOM

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : This oughta be a laugh

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : And by that i mean it better, because the other alternatives are leaning more on the depressive side and i'm not about that

**Fuckhands McMike** : hopefully they're alright...

 

_4:13AM_

_Fuckhands McMike_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Hey are you still awake

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : D'you think like

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Susie found the drunk mage

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : It's been a while

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Claycia

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Clayciaaaaa

_4:15AM_

_Marshmallow_

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Dee there is absolutely negative chance you are awake huh

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Absolute degenerate wake yourself

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Ok that was mean i'm sorry

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Taranza fell asleep i can't move

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : My airship ain't fit for space travel anyway but like i wanna help

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm the softest chad god what has that fucking group chat done to me

 

_4:26AM  
Daddy_

**Daddy** : Help.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : What happened?

**Daddy** : Things??

**Daddy** : I found Zan in the bridge and she thought the wine was juice

**Daddy** : She's crying

**Daddy** : Whta do I do

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Hug? God you making typos is weird

**Daddy** : Hugging, ok, hugging.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Is it working?

**Daddy** : She's talking, give me a minute.

**Daddy** : She was feeling a little blue before she found the drink because she really wants to be useful to me, but can't do much with the technology on the ship.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Right

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Makes sense, she was like pretty much a servant to that muppet looking fuck

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Got her mind all poisoned and shit, thinking she's gotta live to serve

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Makes me fucking sick

**Daddy** : Mhm.

**Daddy** : I'm not gonna recite everything cause, y'know, privacy and all, but I think we'll be ok.

**Daddy** : She won't let go of me, but that's fine, It's not like my arms will go numb.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** :  Yeah arms are for fucking chumps

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Floaty hand gang all the way

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : You're sure she's alright?

**Daddy** : Yes, though I appreciate your worrying. 

**Daddy** : You aren't nearly the harsh chad you think.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Yeah

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I know

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I got a reputation to uphold is all

**Daddy** : What was that you said, about character arcs?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Heh

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Just keep an eye on your drunk girlfriend

**Daddy** : What, gonna throw up a rose while flipping your cape as you leave?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Keep talkin' shit and I just MIGHT

**Daddy** : Speaking of talking, Zan isn't. I think she passed out.

**Daddy** : Or she's just enjoying the hug.

**Daddy** : I hope so.

**Daddy** : Y'know, I don't remember the last time I gave or received a hug? This isn't so bad, I thought it'd be uncomfortable.

**Daddy** : Father dearest was never much of a hugger.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Me and the Squeaks gotta uphold that tough guy aura y'know

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : But when a bro needs a hug

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : He needs a hug

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : No shame in that

**Daddy** : I suppose Francisca needed a very special airborne hug?

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : MY FUCKING BATHTUB SUSIE

**Daddy** : You said it wasn't the first time!

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OK

**Daddy** : Well, she did her best, and that's all that matters.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Whatever you say

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : *Throws rose up into the air and flips cape*

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : I'm gonna pass out on this plush spider skull

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Seriously he's like the perfect height for that

**Daddy** : Seems as if we're both stuck in some emotionally charged hugs.

**Daddy** : Goodnight, Daroach.

**The Rat That Makes The Rules** : Night Susie

* * *

 

Daroach is a nice guy, you think.

'You' of course being Susie, represented in the second person rather than the third for some reason unbeknownst to you, probably something to do with comfort zones.

Something silly like that.

Regardless, tonight has certainly been a night, you were only planning on a quick maintenance check before bed, but now you've got a lightning mage clinging to you for dear life and some questions that beg asking, such as if she'd like to, oh y'know, live with you for the foreseeable future? No big deal, co-habitation with three ancient mages in a high-tech spaceship can't be too hard or jarring, right? Claycia said you'd earned being a little clingy, but in all your travels across the galaxy, had being clingy really gotten you anywhere? Besides sad, that is. 

Thankfully, that train of thought crashed and burned upon Zan slightly shifting in her sleep. A small lock of her hair tickled the back of your hand and you noticed her hat had fallen off at some point; you'd like to retrieve it for her, but it's in the microwave. Across the room.

  
Why.

How long was she left on her own after finding that drink?

God, you're gonna suck at accommodating them, are you even taking care of yourself properly? No, that's not right, they aren't  _babies_ , they can look after themselves to an extent, they just need help adjusting... They need help to feel secure in this new world. You gently run a hand through Zan's hair, suppose she must be feeling pretty secure right now. You hope.

She just mumbled, that's so cute? What the hell? It's nothing discernable, just babbling, but it takes your mind off of the heavy questions. You can figure things out in the morning. For now, you decide to take a leaf out of the great Daroach's book and faceplant directly into Zan's hair as a makeshift pillow.

Smells like lemons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this one has been a LONG TIME COMING and it may be a little rough in places and is?? Kind of missing a written scene? I didn't think I could properly express what I wanted out of Zan's drunk conversation with Susie and I'd like to go back and write it some day. For now, please enjoy it as it is.


End file.
